:: Privatjokr ::

Featuring Liv Tyler, Joaquin Phoenix, Billy Crudup, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Baker. Directed by Pat O'Connor. In a small Illinois town in 1957, the Abbott daughters are attracted to the widowed school teacher's sons, but can't break away from their father and his money. The sons have their own reasons for wanting to bring the father down.

Billy Crudup plays Joaquin Phoenix's big brother as they grow up down the street from the Abbotts, a family that is the talk of the town. The Abbott family name has more social equity than either of the two boys can fathom, yet it fascinates them.

Everyone in town has stories of how and why the boys' father died so many years ago and why their mother has no friends. The boys themselves also have differing opinions on each subject and they lead to different opinions of the Abbotts in turn.

Can these two boys ever make anything of themselves? Can they elevate themselves to the status of the Abbotts?

Seeing this cast, put together back in 1997 (when Liv Tyler was the biggest name among them), work together was neat. I really like Billy Crudup, since I thought he did an AMAZING job in Jesus' Son, but was surprised by this movie. He was still good, I am just used to rooting for him...and against Joaquin Phoenix (Gladiator), but it was the opposite to some extent in Inventing the Abbotts.

I also have a slightly difficult time watching any movie with Liv Tyler in it. Really the only movies I have liked that she's been in are Jersey Girl and Plunkett & Macleane (and she had a pretty small role in the latter). The beautiful Jennifer Connelly played a character more in line with the end of Requiem for a Dream, and the polar opposite of Labyrinth, which stands as my favorite of her work. The girls play two of the Abbott daughters, talk of the town and object of each boy's desire.

There is one person in particular who I am sure had an "it's about time" look on her face when I admitted to finally having see Inventing the Abbotts. I thought it was good. The plot is much deeper than they let on in the synopsis, and I tried not to go into too much more detail as it is really a story you should see unfold for yourself. Did you catch that? Or should I repeat that you should see this one?

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Everyone among us has done this at some point in their life; I am confident of that. The specifics will differ person to person and situation to situation, but the broad idea remains universal. There are sometimes that either due to sleepiness, or being preoccupied, that we do something we would normally only due when alone...in public. Sometimes being seen is trivial, other times it can be highly embarrassing.

I am not one to embarrass easily, but I can say that it was at least a little awkward yesterday as I was accidentally swept off my feet by some song on the internet radio. To the disappointment of a reader or two, I did not come out of my chair, but I will qualify the little head bob I did as "dancing" as I lip sync'd? lip sanc? lip synched? sang along volumelessly. Lost in song I did not notice the coworker walking towards the GIANT WINDOW of my office. He just watched as he went past and smiled a "you are truly a putz" smile and went on his way. No skin off my back really, but as I said it was at least a little awkward.

Another instance, today I spent my lunch hour at the barbershop getting my ears lowered. While in "the chair", there was one waiting and he had a copy of today's newspaper. Left page in left hand. Right page in right hand. Having held a newspaper open, you are familiar with how fickle the crease in the paper can be. This gentleman managed, with little effort, to upset the crease. Remember, left hand...right hand... This guy pulled the paper closer and stuck his neck out and helped fix the crease in the paper with his face! I'VE DONE THAT!! I cannot tell you how much better I feel for having witnessed another human being employ this move to fold his newspaper. You have been there, if you release one hand or the other, pages will fall. There is no table in front of you on which to place the newspaper so you are left to improvise. Like a hatchling poking through his egg, you use your face to fix your newspaper. I imagined the most high powered CEO or a world leader, someone who commands respect, fixing his newspaper this same way and all was right with the world.

It is as if he brought validation to my existence. Obviously I imposed upon this man each and every idiosyncrasy of mine and made them ours so if just for a minute I was a little less...different. Then I had to take them back, they're what make me me, right?

Just like picking the right bottle of wine to serve with dinner, there is a science to your beer selection as well. If you have ever wondered what type of beer to have with what types of food this should help. Borrowed from Cooking Light Magazine.

Beer is made with malted grain (usually barley), water, yeast, and a flavoring. That flavoring is usually hops (the dried cone-shaped flowers of a vining plant), whose bitterness counters the sweetness of the malt. Different flavors and beer styles are achieved by using malts that have been roasted to various degrees, by choosing different types of yeasts and hops, and by controlling when the hops are added. The taste of beer also can be changed by using other grains, such as wheat, in addition to barley. Many American beers include corn and/or rice to lighten the taste and lower the price.

Beer is divided into two basic types: lagers and ales. Lagers are made with special strains of yeast that sink to the bottom of the brewing tank. Lagers are fermented and stored at cold temperatures. They tend to be light in color, with a subtle crisp, clean taste.

Ales often are fermented with yeasts that sit atop the tank and prefer warmer temperatures. These yeasts ferment more quickly and produce beer with fruitier flavors and more yeasty and malty aromas. Ales are made with more hops and have an earthier, stronger, more complex taste than lagers. There are many styles of both lagers and ales.

Lager Styles

Bock: These German-style dark beers are often high in alcohol. Full-bodied with low-to-medium hoppiness and good malty taste, they're usually made in the spring to be served in the fall. Serve bock with smoked meat, sausages, and sauerkraut. Try Aass Beer or Shiner Bavarian Bock.

Doppelbock: Stronger and even more intense than regular bock, doppelbocks are high in alcohol (7.4 percent). They taste great with strong cheese, pickled herring, and raw onions. Celebrator Doppelbock is a good choice.

Lambic: Brewed only in Belgium, lambics are made with wild, rather than brewer's, yeast. These beers are less hoppy and can be sour, sweet, or fruity. Often they are infused with cherry or raspberry extract. Fruited lambics are ideal with fruity desserts like pies, compotes, and fresh berries. Traditional lambics also go well with dark chocolate.

Marzenbier/Oktoberfest: Originating in Germany, these lagers were historically brewed in March to last until the next brewing season. They have an amber color, full malt flavor, and medium hoppiness. Oktoberfest beer is an example of a Marzenbier; it goes well with smoked meats and vinegary potato salad. Try Samuel Adams Oktoberfest and Paulaner Oktoberfest Marzen Amber.

Pilsner: Originally brewed in Plzen, Czech Republic, pilsners have a golden color with a flowery aroma, lots of malt flavor, and a dry finish with a bitter taste. American pilsners, such as Budweiser, are light in color and have less hoppiness and malt flavor than European pilsners, like Pilsner Urquell. Pair these with pork or seafood.

Ale Styles

American Ale: Pale to amber in color, American ales have medium body, medium to high hops, and are not high in alcohol. Nuts and slightly sweet foods such as coleslaw, roast lamb, and beef are good with American ales. Try Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.

Bitter: These English ales have lots of malt and hops, low carbonation, and good body. Extra special bitter (esb) has a higher alcohol and more body than other bitters. Try with roast duck, roast beef, and well-aged cheddar and Stilton cheeses. Try Boddington's Pub Ale, Fuller's ESB, and Redhook ESB.

India Pale Ale (IPA): Because this ale was originally made in England for shipping to India, it needed high alcohol content and lots of hoppiness to survive the long trip. It has a pleasing malty flavor with a full-bodied taste. The high bitterness balances slightly sweet foods. Try it with barbecued ribs, glazed ham, or Hoisin-Marinated Chicken (page 232). Hop Devil IPA and Harpoon ipa are good choices.

Pale Ale: Ales made with lighter roasted malt have a pale to amber color, medium hops, and maltiness with a drier taste. Try them with steak, salmon, or other fatty fish. Bass makes a good English-style pale ale.

Porter: Dark brown and full-bodied with high alcohol and chocolate tastes, porters are moderate-to-high hoppiness beers that can be enjoyed with bittersweet chocolate desserts. Try Samuel Smith, the Famous Taddy Porter.

Stout: Very dark and made with toasted malt, stouts are full-bodied and hoppy. Ireland's Guinness is the most famous stout. Bitter coffee and chocolate flavors make stout great with oysters, rich meats, such as braised short ribs, and game, such as grouse.

Wheat Beers (Hefeweizen, Weissbier, Weizen, Weizenbock): Beers containing wheat are often cloudy and slightly tart with high carbonation. They're also very refreshing and are ideal with spicy foods like curry. The tartness and wheaty flavors go well with fried food, such as fish and chips. Try Sierra Nevada Wheat Beer and Pyramid Hefeweizen.

It is amazing. A man could walk into your office and tell you a tale of how his morning has been. A true horror story, three simultaneous flat tires in the rain on a highway with a closed shoulder, spilt coffee in his lap, difficulty sitting down after his alien abduction, you name it. All you have to say is "At least it's Friday," and he will instantly perk up. How has medical science not spent millions of dollars researching this phenomenon?

Where does the therapeutic nature of this phrase gather such strength? I bet even if the stock market crashed on a Friday, they wouldn't even call it a "Depression" until Tuesday (What? Too soon?).

Try it. Today being Friday, you could probably walk up to a stranger you pass on the street and punch him in the stomach. "Sorry, pal. Hey, at least it's Friday." And boom, no repercussions. I am unable to figure it out. Maybe the harmonic nature of the syllables as they are strung together creates some euphoric state in the brain of anyone within earshot.

I will warn you, though, "At least it's Friday" does NOT carry the same weight unless it really is Friday. I tried it on a Tuesday not too long ago and rather than cheering up said coworker, I received puzzled looks. "It's not Friday," was all I got from her as she walked away.

Lesson learned.

O.A.R. (Of A Revolution) is probably most well known for their hit single "That Was A Crazy Game of Poker" from the The Wanderer album.

I was driven to this album after hearing the live version of "Hey Girl" from Any Time Now. It is a great song, though after listening to all of Risen it has become my second favorite. "Delicate Few" is a song that I find myself gravitating to each time I cycle through my iPod for a song to play.

O.A.R. if you are not familiar is often described as a jam-band, if you like that style. I guess I don't listen to enough music to be able to offer any similar artists, but Launch.com lists Dispatch, Guster, Ben Harper, Phish, Dave Mathews, and G. Love & Special Sauce among others.

I really like this album and I really like this band.

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When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out - because that's what's inside.

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

The Grapes of Wrath is a landmark of American literature. A portrait of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless, of one man's fierce reaction to injustice, and of one woman's stoical strength, the novel captures the horrors of the Great Depression and probes into the very nature of equality and justice in America. Although it follows the movement of thousands of men and women in the transformation of an entire nation, The Grapes of Wrath is also the story of one Oklahoma family, the Joads, who are driven off their homestead and forced to travel west to the promised land of California. Out of their trials and their repeated collisions against the hard realities of an American divided into Haves and Have-Nots evolves a drama that is intensely human yet majestic in its scale and moral vision, elemental yet plain-spoken, tragic but ultimately stirring in its human dignity.

First published in 1939, The Grapes of Wrath summed up its era in the way that Uncle Tom's Cabin summed up the years of slavery before the Civil War. Sensitive to fascist and communist criticism, Steinbeck insisted that "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" be printed in its entirety in the first edition of the book -- which takes its title from the first verse: "He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored." At once a naturalistic epic, captivity narrative, road novel, and transcendental gospel, Steinbeck's fictional chronicle of the Dust Bowl migration of the 1930s is perhaps the most American of American Classics.

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Mel Brooks Appreciation Month!

Blazing Saddles | Buy it from Amazon |

MEL BROOKS' COMIC SAGA OF COWBOYS AND IMBECILES.

The railroad's bound to run right through the sleep town of Rock Ridge. Land there will be worth a fortune - but the townfolk already own their land. How do you drive them out? Send in the roughest, toughest, meanest, leanest gang you've got...and appoint a new sheriff you figure will last about 24 hours.

But that's not really the plot of Blazing Saddles, just the pretext. Once Mel Brooks' lunatic film - many call it his best - gets under way, logic is lost in a blizzard of gags, jokes, quips, puns, howlers, growlers, and outrageous assaults upon good taste - or any taste at all.

Cleavon Little as the new lawman, Gene Wilder as the wacko Waco Kid, Brooks himself as dimwitted politico and Madeline Kahn in her Marlene Dietrich sendup that earned an Academy Award nomination all give this sagebrush saga their lunatic best. And when Blazing Saddles can't contain itself at the finale, it just proves the Old West will never be the same!

Young Frankenstein | Buy it from Amazon |

Mel Brooks' monstrously crazy tribute to Mary Shelley's classic pokes hilarious fun at just about every Frankenstein movie ever made. Summoned by a will to his late grandfather's castle in Transylvania, young Dr. Frankenstein (GENE WILDER) soon discovers the scientist's step-by-step manual explaining how to bring a corpse to life. Assisted by the hunchbacked Igor (MARTY FELDMAN) and the curvaceous Inga (TERI GARR), he creates a monster (PETER BOYLE) who only wants to be loved. CLORIS LEACHMAN, MADELINE KAHN, KENNETH MARS, and GENE HACKMAN co-star in this inspired vision of lunacy.

Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I | Buy it from Amazon |

Mel Brooks' uproarious version of history proves nothing is sacred as he takes us on a laugh-filled look at what really happened throughout time. His delirious romp features everything from a wild send-up of "2001" to the real stories behind the Roman Empire (Brooks portrays a stand-up philosopher at Caesar's Palace), the French Revolution (Brooks reigns as King Louis XVI) and the Spanish Inquisition (a splashy song-and-dance number with monks and swimming nuns.) It's Mel and company at their hilarious best.

Spaceballs | Buy it from Amazon |

May the farce be with you in this hysterically funny space oddity, created by comic genius Mel Brooks, that will send you into hyperspace with fits of laughter! Lampooning everything from Star Wars to Star Trek, this outrageous send-up of epic sci-fi movies is full of cosmic crazies who score "eight trillion on the laugh meter" (Gene Shallit, NBC-TV)!

Fearless - and clueless - space heroes Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) and his half man/half dog sidekick Barf (John Candy) wage interstellar warfare to free Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) from the evil clutches of Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis). On the way to the rescue - in their Winnebago - they confront the huge, gooey Pizza The Hutt (voice of Dom De Luise), sassy robot Dot Matrix (voice of Joan Rivers) and a wise little creature named Yogurt (Brooks), who teaches them the mystical power of "The Schwartz" in order to bring peace - and merchandising rights - to the entire galaxy!

A man who teaches dateless wonders how to become irresistible to women learns just how hard it can be to do it yourself in this romantic comedy. When a guy in New York City wants to make the right impression with a certain lady, Alex "Hitch" Hitchens (Will Smith) is the man he calls. Hitch has made a career out of coordinating a man's first three dates so that they'll show him to his best advantage (for a price, of course), and more than a few have taken women to the altar they first started courting with Hitch's help. But Hitch discovers his own romantic limitations when he falls for Sara (Eva Mendes), a journalist who has her own ideas about romance, and might just expose Hitch's underground business to the world. In the midst of all this, Hitch has his hands full with Albert, a sweet but socially inept man who has enlisted Hitch's services.

Two funny men team up to bring you a funny movie. Kevin James enlists the help of Will Smith, the "Date Doctor", to impress the woman he desires. James is not the only man in New York who seeks out Hitch. He does not give all of the tools, just the tips necessary to get you through the first three dates, then you are on your own.

Will Smith throughout his career has played characters so smooth, so charming, that you cannot help but smile at some of the moves he makes. Where Hitch fell short for me was not doing enough of this. Only one scene has Smith at the bar, with Michael Rappaport of all people, where he approaches a beautiful woman. What I wanted was Hitch, a romantic comedy, to focus more on the comedy and less on the romantic.

Kevin James, a hilarious stand-up comedian and star of TV's King of Queens, was more awkward than funny. They could have cast someone far less talented in his role and done just as well. He was overqualified.

Quick spoiler, so close your eyes if you've not yet seen the movie. I was very disappointed that Kevin James actually got the girl he sought after. I thought the right move would be to show her as more than meets the eye, to the disappointment of James, then have him meet the unlikely love of his life in Casey, friend of Hitch's girl.

The movie started out very well, but then slowly tapered off. Was it good? Yes. Could they have simply done more with it? Absolutely.

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What a way to start off the week. Making myself breakfast this morning I came across The Mystery Egg. If you have never encountered one of your own, please allow me a moment to explain. In my carton of eggs I noticed one was a bit larger than the rest; oversized if you will. Not only do I enjoy eating, but eggs are on the list of things I like. A bigger egg in my carton pleased me to no end. You can imagine my sudden guilt as I felt that I was cheating the system. I had paid for 12 normal eggs, and not 11 normal eggs plus 1 behemoth egg. I was originally leaning towards it being an ostrich egg, but women's intuition tells me maybe it is not an ostrich, but rather a Tyranasaurus Rex egg! Wait, women's intuition? Ignore that.

It was one egg to rule them all, and I here it was in my carton...rather, stuck to my carton. Disappointment set in as, in the realm of eggs, one stuck to the carton means that it is a broken one. When chipped and/or cracked, spilt contents will adhere rather strongly to the carton. If common sense does not tell you this already, please disregard this egg. Attempting to consume such an egg would not produce healthy results.

After some careful massaging and caressing of my gargantuan egg, I finally was able to sever the carton's grip and my egg was free at last. Disappointment became elation when after my ordinary and prudent review, the egg shell was solid and completely intact.

I am no egg connoisseur, but I do purchase them from time to time for various purposes, or purpi if it pleases you. Cooking, baking, decorating your favorite teacher's house, whatever. One thing that I have never come across in my short time on Earth is an egg such as this. Not only was it a bit bigger than usual, but it also has some...issue...with its contents. An exercise for us to do together is this: go to your refrigerator and pull an egg out of the carton. Now, hold it near your ear and shake it gently. You should not hear anything, nor should you feel anything as the contents dance inside the shell. My mystery egg failed one, not both of those criteria.

Something was definitely moving inside my egg. Not on its own, but moving none the less. After careful deliberation, I have decided not to eat the mystery egg, but this chapter of my life will not close so easily. There is one piece of my puzzle missing. The way I see it, there are two options before me.

1. Defy the burning curiosity and dispose of the mystery egg, never to hear from it again.

This option may be the safest for mankind if the mystery egg may contain the apocalypse. How guilty would I feel if I unleash the end of the world? Tell me you would like that on your conscience. Not me, no thanks.

2. Take ownership of the curiosity and crack the egg.

I would not eat the mystery egg, that ship has sailed. However, I feel that I may contribute something to the state of modern science with my examining the contents of the mystery egg. You never know, it may contain the cure for cancer; or maybe even herpes. Imagine NOT getting your picture on the cover of Time Magazine for curing herpes all because you didn't crack open the mystery egg. Sounds glamorous, but it is not without danger. The risk here is that I may develop such a debilitating phobia of eggs that I am unable to even hear a chicken cluck. The contents may be so absolutely disgusting that I cannot go near another egg, mystery or not. I am not sure that is a wager that I can afford to make.

No one ever explains to you the hard choices you will have to make in life, when you are a child. I am not sure I am adequately prepared for this. I do not consider my parents entirely at fault, but I do vow to you that my child(ren) will be equipped with the tale of the mystery egg. The next generation will be ready...

Warren: Who glued these quarters down? A.J.: I did. Warren: What the hell for, man? A.J.: I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.

Wil and Katie came over the other night for "movie night" and we, after a simple process of elimination, decided upon Requiem For A Dream. Great movie, don't get me wrong. I have seen it multiple times, and though it will never be easy to accept the events of the movie as real, they don't bother me anymore. Or at least I thought not.

I slept through the night well enough, the only sign that something was a bit...off, was the song in my head as I awoke. If you remember, this is not the first time I have considered my own sanity based upon early morning song choice. This time was only slightly different. Instead of Mark Hamill singing Luke Be A Jedi Tonight, it was Baloo from Jungle Book doing his rendition of "The Bare Necessities".

Granted I do not know the words to this song beyond "It's the...bare...necessities...". How one could wake up with a song in their head though only knowing 4.5 words is beyond me.

The more I have thought about it though, those words alone relate rather well two fold to "Requiem". Either in the approach that Requiem shows the horrors of drug use and you should avoid them and stick to the Bare Necessities, or in that for junkies being able to "push off" is the Bare Necessity. Makes you think. Or well, makes me think.

Don't tell me you have never (over)analyzed anything!

Recipe courtesy Rachael Ray

Olive oil, for frying
1 1/2 pounds chicken breast tenders
Salt and pepper
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 large eggs, beaten with 1/4 cup water
Breading:
2 cups Italian style bread crumbs
1 cup shredded Parmesan
6 sprigs or stems fresh thyme leaves, stripped and chopped, 2 to 3 tablespoons
6 sprigs fresh rosemary leaves, finely chopped, 3 tablespoons
2 handfuls chopped flat-leaf parsley leaves
4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
Chicken Parmigiano, recipe follows

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Place a nonstick cookie sheet in oven with a tin foil liner.
Heat 1/2-inch oil in a large nonstick skillet or frying pan over medium to medium high heat.
Season chicken tenders with salt and pepper. Wash hands. Place flour in a shallow dish. Beat eggs with water in a second dish along side the flour. In a third dish, combine the breading ingredients. Coat chicken in flour, then egg, then bread and cheese mixture. To keep your hands clean, ask for plastic gloves at the butcher counter. To ease your clean up, try using disposable tin pie tins for the flour, egg and bread crumbs.
Cook chicken until deeply golden on each side, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to cookie sheet in preheated oven and finish off for another 5 minutes cooking time. Cook chicken 5 or 6 tenders at a time in a single layer, adding additional oil if necessary. If the chicken begins to brown too quickly lower heat slightly. Serve chicken hot or cold with green salad or, complete as a Parmigiano.

Simple Tomato Sauce for Chicken Parmigiano:
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 small white onion, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 (14 ounce) can chunky style crushed tomatoes
1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
1 cup chicken broth or stock
A handful fresh basil leaves, torn into small pieces
Coarse salt
1 1/2 cups shredded provolone
1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
1 pound spaghetti, cooked to al dente

Set water on to boil for pasta and prepare according to package directions for al dente. Before coating chicken, add oil, onions and garlic to a saucepan to cook medium low heat. Stir occasionally for 10 minutes while you are working on the chicken. Add both cans of tomatoes and a cup of chicken broth and bring sauce to a bubble. Reduce heat to a simmer until ready to serve. Stir in torn basil and season sauce with salt, to your taste.
Place a little of the sauce on the chicken tenders, top with the shredded provolone and Parmigiano. Place in oven or broiler to melt the cheese and then serve. Coat the hot, cooked pasta lightly with sauce then serve.
Enjoy!

I cannot in good faith say that I made any "modifications" to this recipe, but I will surely admit that what I made was a bit different. Allow me to explain.

The recipe calls for:
Thyme, I accidentally bought Tarragon (I was on the phone in the store, sorry). So that was omitted.
Rosemary, I think this is much to overpowering of a flavor. This was omitted.
Parsley, bought it. Too lazy to add it. Omitted.
Garlic, completely forgot. Omitted.

Everything else I did followed the recipe to the letter. Well, the top portion, anyway. I did not opt for the conversion to chicken parm. I did employ some Marinara sauce on the side for dipping, however.

My only recommendation for future use of this recipe is to add slightly to your egg mixture and then double your chicken. I had an overwhelming excess of my breading that I would have liked to use if I'd had the time tonight, but I was under a small time constraint. Good recipe. This is one I will hang on to.

Well, I should be able to sleep easier. It is something I have not done well for about as long as I can remember; sleep that is. Maybe what was bothering me is now less heavy on my mind.

Why am I perpetually single? Here I thought I had commitment issues. Turns out I was way off. In fact, it is much much worse; though the two are somewhat related.

What have been nagging at the back of my mind are...are you ready?
... Minivans.

Minivans have a reputation for poor maneuverability and performance in comparison with other types of vehicles. They are also the vehicle of choice for large suburban families. Minivans have been mocked for those attributes by the media. -Wikipedia

I am 24 years old. I can't drive a minivan yet! I understand that not everyone, when they have children, opts for the minivan as mode of transportation, but what if I do?

Many might tell me that I am over-reacting, but have you ever sat down and thought about it? I know some grown men with families, SUV men, roomy sedan men, when in fact they are now minivan men. Not only will I never forget the look on one family friend's face as he was legitimately excited about hearing something about a new feature in sliding side door technology, but I believe it is burned into my retinas.

Ok, so minivans aren't for everyone. Not all families need them, not all men grow up to own and drive them. I am certain that there is a particular pedigree of males who will at some point in their life become excited by the latest and greatest features available in a minivan. There is nothing wrong with that. You don't need me to tell you that, car companies wouldn't manufacture them if they weren't able to sell them.

The question becomes What if I fit the profile? What if it is in my DNA, my very genetic fibers, that I am going to drive a minivan when I have children? It must be considered a huge milestone in one man's life when he finally thinks having a minivan of his very own is a good idea. It is THAT to which I cannot commit.

"A mini-van is not the car of a warrior." - Marysia (A/K/A "some random site thanks to Google.") You hear that? Not the car of a warrior. You got that right! How can I drive a car not fit for a warrior? Ok maybe, just maybe, I am reaching a little bit with the warrior thing.

Anyway, I am glad that I was able to locate the source of my fear. I believe I have had my closure and am now able to move forward. The journey will be an arduous one, there is no doubt of that. I will take it one day at a time. The important thing is that I have the support of family and friends, right?

What's that? Neither family nor friends support me in my plight against the minivan?

Maybe I am doomed...

The idea for Grand Lux Cafe came to life when The Venetian Resort, Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas asked David Overton, Founder of The Cheesecake Factory Restaurants, to create an upscale casual restaurant concept for their property.

Located right in the casino at The Venetian, Grand Lux Cafe is easy to find. There are even signs posted directing you to the door. Once you are there, seating options are inside the restaurant or at one of the tables that is out in the casino.

My only complaint from the trip was what I imagine to be the only complaint I would ever have with the Grand Lux, the iced tea was not very good. My dissatisfaction goes no further. In fact, from there my satisfaction actually grows rapidly.

I believe on the menu it is listed as Creamy Spinach and Cheese Dip...though more commonly Spinach and Artichoke dip...and it just might be the best I have ever had. The dip is served with plenty of tortilla chips, so you never have to worry about running out of things to dip, a problem I frequently encounter at other restaurants.

If you are familiar with the menus at The Cheesecake Factory, then you understand how overwhelmed you can feel at Grand Lux Cafe as well. So many items on the menu and they all sound good. There just aren't enough hours in the day for a menu like that, but you have to start somewhere.

I ordered the Fried Chicken. The meal I anticipated, a breast/thigh/leg with a side of mashed potatoes, would have been right for how hungry I was. The meal I got, a veritable mountain of chicken strips with a side of mashed potatoes, was a bit more than I could handle. I think the chicken was like $13-14. You cannot beat that.

Grand Lux has locations in Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Dallas, Houston and Chicago with two future locations of Garden City, NY and Sunrise, FL. At least in the cities where there are currently locations, there are so many restaurants and I always try to not go to the same place twice when I travel since there are so many options. I will have to fight to stick to that when I have the option to go back to Grand Lux Cafe. The place is even open 24 hours (in Las Vegas)!

You are filial, kind and trustworthy.

Avenue Q is the hit show that received seemingly endless praise on Broadway and is now playing on the Broadway Theatre at Wynn Las Vegas in...Las Vegas.

Not an easy show to describe, but the best way apparently is as a "grown up Sesame Street". A small cast of very talented puppeteers play the host of characters that live on Avenue Q. The characters come to Avenue Q ready to meet the challenges of the real world head on, but learn quickly that life is harder than they anticipated.

Seeing a puppet struggle to find his way in New York City, facing issues such as unemployment, one night stands, racism, relationships (both homosexual and heterosexual), even internet pornography, is not something I had ever expected. Ask me before we started planning this trip to Las Vegas if I thought I would ever see two puppets have sex live on stage...well we were in Vegas.

Kudos to the creators of Avenue Q for giving us such a treat. The show was very good; high energy and very funny. If you are looking for a show that is a little less ordinary, try a different Avenue. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

Academy Award winner Kevin Spacey (American Beauty) stars with Oscar nominee Kate Winslet (Titanic, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) in a powerfully gripping, edge-of-your-seat thriller hailed as "provocative!" (ABC-TV) An electrifying, suspenseful journey into deadly conspiracy and murderous deception begins when a respected professor who may - or may not - be guilty is charged with a brutal crime. The Life of David Gale is a brilliantly unpredictable thriller, which builds relentlessly to a shocking final twist guaranteed to blow you away!

For two years I have had a coworker asking me on a semi-frequent basis, "Have you watched The Life of David Gale, yet?" I finally told her I have now seen it. I hope she is able to sleep better.

We have a man who has been a well known public figurehead (Spacey) in opposition of the death penalty (in Texas no less) sitting, rather ironically, on Death Row for murder. He has remained silent about his case, though now wants to talk. He offers exclusive rights for an interview to one publication and requests the journalist by name (Winslet).

She is given the opportunity to speak with him in a series of three two-hour blocks. One each day for the three days prior to his execution. What he tells her over the course of these talks is a story of his divorce, not having custody of his son, and his life as a professor of philosophy. When she walks in to meet with him the first time, she has a pre-determined opinion of him and his crime. Will that change as they talk?

Gale tells her that he wants her to find the truth, though she denies there is any more truth than what has been introduced at trial. Maybe he can make her believe otherwise.

The movie was ok; nothing to write home about. The acting was surprisingly poor. For two people who had received such impressive accolades, I would generally expect much more. Nothing seemed at all rehearsed. It was as if everyone was reading their lines for the first time. There was a lack of feeling in almost every word spoken. The saving grace was Laura Linney (<3). I thought she was good.

The story itself was entertaining enough, though a touch predictable. I am not one to sit and try to figure things out ahead of time. I do not want to ruin the story for myself, but this time I didn't have much choice. The pieces all practically fell right into place. I hate to say the quote in the synopsis touting the movie as "a brilliantly unpredictable thriller" is not entirely true...

I was entertained. I will not try and pretend I wasn't. I cannot deny the feeling I had when the movie was over that they could have done a lot more with it, however. I am not in a huge rush to see this one again, but I cannot think of any good reason(s) why most people wouldn't enjoy it.

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From the creators of the Academy Award winning Spirited Away comes the visually stunning The Cat Returns.

Haru, a schoolgirl bored by her ordinary routine, saves the life of an unusual cat, and suddenly her world is transformed beyond anything she ever imagined. The Cat King rewards her good deed with a flurry of presents, including a very shocking proposal of marriage to his son! Haru then embarks on an unexpected journey to the Kingdom of Cats, where her eyes are opened to a whole other world and her destiny is uncertain. To change her fate, she'll need to learn to believe in herself and, in the process, she will learn to appreciate her everyday life.

Featuring the sensational voice talents of Anne Hathaway, Cary Elwes, Peter Boyle and Elliott Gould, The Cat Returns is a magical animated adventure that will delight and inspire everyone.

Another film from Studio Ghibli, The Cat Returns is a fun little film about believing in yourself. With that as the theme, the movie spent surprisingly little time portraying this lesson and focused more on the rest of this far-fetched, if not enjoyable, story.

A young girl saves a cat from being run over by a truck. This unusual cat turns out to be son of the Cat King. One of the many generous gifts she receives from the king is the offer of his son's hand in marriage.

Before she knows it, she finds herself enlisting the aid of another unusual cat, known as Baron. Baron, with the voice of Cary Elwes, is a very distinguished and daring gentleman (gentlecat?) who goes the extra mile to save young Haru.

Bored by her "normal" day to day life, Haru struggles to believe in herself. It is this change within herself, coupled with the help of the Baron, which saves her from the Cat Kingdom.

Like Kiki's Delivery Service and others, The Cat Returns has a low rating (G, PG). I will not necessarily go so far as to say they are children's movies, though they are geared more towards children. They are fun to watch and are cute stories. There is not much more than that to take away, even though as with everything Studio Ghibli has given us, The Cat Returns was very visually pleasing. The animation was beautiful.

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The Rowe Inn is located...in the middle of nowhere. From Petoskey we headed through Charlevoix and beyond to end up at The Rowe. We were out in search of a fine dining experience while up north. I am told that The Rowe is one of the top rated restaurants in Northern Michigan (northern lower peninsula).

The idea was to sample, and if need be, go out on a limb for a menu item you would not necessarily order otherwise. This only went so far. There were certain things some of us could not pass up. I started with the Lobster Corn Chowder which was very good. My mom had a tomato salad (tomato, basil, fresh mozzarella, balsamic vinaigrette) which she enjoyed. My dad had the venison sausage which he liked. We could not help ourselves at this point and had to order the mushroom pierogies which were also very good. They were a little expensive, but you have to expect that for a meal like this.

Each entree comes with a salad. There were options for the salads. There was a blackberry sorbet, which I had. My mom had what I believe was their signature salad which was a simple presentation of lettuce, walnuts, dried cherries and a delicious bleu cheese dressing. Dad had their "house cole slaw" or something to that effect. It was sour kraut, apples, celery and who knows what else. It was not something I would have ordered, but he really liked it.

Our main courses were rather unique. My mom opted for their "vegetarian" dish which was sort of an egg souffle. She liked it a lot. Dad had the parmesan encrusted chicken which came with some type of a scalloped potato. He also like his a lot. I apparently was the adventurous one at the table (for once) and had the duck magret with a fresh strawberry Marsala. I am not a big fan of duck, but you only live once, right? My main course was good. Not great.

Dessert was a must after a meal like this. We all decided to try something. When in Rome, as they say. Dad had a four berry cobbler I think. Mom had their signature white brownie. I had their homemade Bailey's chocolate chip ice cream. The ice cream was three large scoops, much more than I had anticipated getting at a more upscale restaurant. It was very good. The white brownie was made with Khalua, which turns me off, as I do not like the flavor of coffee, but my mom said it was good. The bite I tried was too much for me.

Pricing was not outrageous and they apparently also have one of the best wine selections in the entire state. All in all it was a neat place. There are only about thirteen tables, so the restaurant is by no means large. It was a little out of the way, but if you are looking for a different atmosphere than many of the restaurants up north, it is worth it. Overall, I am afraid that I have to say the food in Northern Michigan is not good. The Rowe was an exception to that. I could see myself eating there again. It was a nice place to go with family, but could also be a fun date spot (as long as she is paying ;) ).

Acclaimed writer/director Jon Favreau stars as a struggling actor about to enter a weirdly comic twilight zone. After agreeing to deliver a mysterious suitcase to a remote desert truck stop in exchange for $25K, John Person (Favreau) finds himself trapped in a bizarre world of unusual characters. Is the whole town mad, or are the loony locals the only sane things about this strange parallel universe called The Big Empty?

Jon Favreau, ironically or not, plays an actor who has not found work in awhile. Between casting auditions, he scrapes by as a courier. As he was just sitting down to calculate just how many thousands of dollars he is currently in debt, a knock comes at his door. The "crazy" neighbor from down the hall comes to Favreau with the proposition of a financial clean slate. If he will deliver a package to Baker, California, he will be given the money to pay off his credit cards.

Accepting the job, the story is about the people that he meets while waiting to make his "drop" to a mysterious man known only as Cowboy. The small desert community is full of crazy people who speak frequently about alien abductions. Are they crazy, though? Or are they the only ones that know the truth?

Ok. I know the plot does not sound like a movie that is terribly exciting, but at least it was really really bad. It is not a long list, nor is it a distinguished one, but The Big Empty has made my list of Worst Movies.

I decided to watch The Big Empty based solely on cast. Jon Favreau, in this man's opinion has done good things (Swingers, Made, PCU). And...I may or may not have somewhat of a schoolboy crush on Rachael Leigh Cook. Is that such a crime?

So my desire to dunk Rachael Leigh Cook's pigtails in my inkwell is not a crime, but making this movie should have been. I know I am being harsh, but I can see no reason why either Jon Favreau or Joey Lauren Adams would agree to be a part of such a film. The way I have it figured out is that Favreau owed the Director a favor. Sort of a "get me a date with your sister...and fine, I'll be in your stupid movie" type of favor. Ms. Adams has bills to pay like the rest of us. She just needed a little something to tide her over until the next Kevin Smith picture. And yes, I will admit it, Rachael does not really have a strong track record with making good movies. It makes sense to me that she was in this one. There is no mystery there.

If I can keep just one other person from making the mistake I did in seeing The Big Empty, then I have succeeded as a person. The hours spent watching movies and toiling over my reviews will at that point all be worth it. On the contrary, if I cannot deter you from seeing this movie then I apologize in advance for failing you. But it is not my apology that you should seek, it is that of EVERYONE who played part in making this movie.

And now let us never speak of this one again...

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George R. R. Martin is the author of the A Song of Ice and Fire series. He heads out on the road late in 2005 to promote the long awaited fourth part of the series, A Feast for Crows.

Appearance of note:
Michigan
Friday, November 11th at 7:00 pm
Borders Bookstore
Ann Arbor, Michigan

The UK leg of his tour is in mid to late October. He will be in the US early to mid November. A complete list of US tour dates is available here.

A Feast for Crows has a release date in the US on November 8, 2005 and in the UK on October 17. Preorder a copy here.

When you see people running in the hallway, let's face it, they are almost positively running to the restroom. Where else could they be heading in the middle of the afternoon (or morning)? I understand that if it were maybe, say, noon or thereabouts, maybe they are running to catch their ride to lunch. However, most of the time I would wager that this person was just too caught up in their day to day responsibilities to make it to the restroom in a reasonably timely fashion.

So now here they are, running towards the restroom with nothing between them and pay dirt but YOU. You cannot tell me that you have never once thought about striking up a conversation with this person. Subject matter at this point is irrelevant. Play it off as if you did not notice the pace by which they were covering distance in the hall. I am sure you would find at least one person that might find it rude to shrug you off in light of a more pressing engagement, right?

But I guess at this point the more meaningless the conversation the better. Small talk would work best. If you tried to catch them on what the latest sales figures were or what budget projections would be for the third quarter of 2014 I think the humor would be lost. Idle chit chat is by far the Privatjokr endorsed method for trying to stop someone dead in their tracks as they hightail it for a pit stop.

I just hope this is not in any way related to Haley's comet. How can I try this out if I don't see someone running to the restroom again for another 75 years?

You know you've done it.

For some, there is nothing that can turn a day sour faster than an itch. One particular itch, placed so precisely out of your reach. There is a drop zone in the middle of your back that will vary from person to person based upon many factors (height, weight, flexibility, knowledge of the 50 state capitals). The simple fact of the matter is, try all you like and your autonomy is thrown in your face. You are forced to seek outside help to alleviate the nagging itch on your back.

How long do you struggle with it before you realize it is beyond your reach? Will you actually spend the time? I could imagine some people who get that itch on their back and then try to stretch out their shoulder because maybe that will help. What would impress me is anyone who actually has a rigorous daily calisthenics program that is designed to allow access to this trouble zone on your back. Maybe I could develop that... Imagine sales from the VHS tapes alone... Uhhhh Pantent pending!

Sit and reflect for a moment. Just how many inanimate objects have you employed for thwarting that itch? Oh my...how many animate objects?! If you have ever been standing at the aquarium and thought that Goldy was just long enough to reach the itch, you are a sick individual. But seriously, pens, pencils, a ruler maybe, car keys, careful with the scissors, we have all done it. And many of you, I am sure, have tried what I have found to be the single most effective method. The door frame.

That's right. The door frame. You stand up, stand in the doorway and rub yourself against the door frame. No, turn around. Yes, like that (sicko). Nothing. I repeat. Nothing works as well as the door frame. They make back scratchers, which are nice, don't get me wrong. I find they are more therapeutic in a massage capacity than they are good for the back itch; at least when compared to the door frame.

Stand there, in all your glory, and rub your back against the corner. You look like a bear doing the same against a tree. A big lazy bear. You think he's doing that because he is a lesser being? Or because his short stubby arms won't reach? Don't give me that elitist science crap. He does it because it is EFFECTIVE.

Many studies have been conducted throughout the bear community on various other methods, but at the end of the day the tree always has the best results. I recommend a door frame as opposed to a tree, as they are more readily available in most places. Except at Christmas time. But be very careful of the ornaments, some of them hurt. And "But I had an itch" is not the best excuse for why you stepped on your sister's present from Auntie Phyllis.

I think I am even going to start using the door frame as my solution to most if not all itch problems. It might look a little awkward when I am standing half in and half out of my office trying to satisfy the itch on the bottom of my foot, but I expect most people already take my actions with a grain of salt.