Thoughts

Making a long, boring story short, this week has been a difficult one. Things at work have simply left me mentally exhausted and sleep has been no haven for me. On top of my usual inability to fall asleep pre-11:30pm I have been coming in to work at 6-6:15 thus getting up that much earlier.

I had decided that things are weighing heavily on me now, but in a few days I'll be bouncing around again. I just need a few days of concerted effort towards clearing my mind and relaxing. That theory is now out the window.

Just when my week was near its end, the first signs on senility began to settle in and make themselves at home. My alarm sounded at 4:30 and as I stirred in bed I realized that I had a song stuck in my head. This was no ordinary song. My first thought as I rolled over was, "Luke be a Jedi tonight" (harmony and music included).

The reference there is to an episode of The Simpsons in which Mark Hamill guest stars and plays lead in a version of "Guys and Dolls".

I have not seen this episode in a great while; there is no foreseeable reason for it to echo through my mind.

Is there any hope left for me?

After a BIG win against Kansas yesterday, this is on the homepage for CBS.Sportsline.com tonight.

Here is the LINK to the full article. Go 'Cats!

Apparently my condo up and moved itself to the North Pole over night. Sure we're seeing the same weather as much of the midwest/northeast, but for some reason things seem different here. I can honestly say that I never expected to look out my window and see what I can only assume is a neighbor trudging through the snow in snowshoes. I live in a fairly highly populated development and though most people stay indoors, I know it's a relatively big community. I was surprised to even see someone outside let alone someone on snowshoes with ski poles for balance. I've not yet been outside today, but I can't fathom we have more than 6 inches of accumulation. That is really not that much snow yet I can't help thinking a few things.

Why does that person have snowshoes?
Was he/she just out for a walk?
Is a gym membership more expensive than snowshoes?

Then things got dramatic.
Were they out of canned food and had no other option but to brave the elements in an effort to make it to help in this winter storm?
Was there too much snow around the car thus rendering it useless leaving snowshoes as the only transportation through the snow?

It's only 6 inches and from what I can see watching out my window, it's 6 inches of powder.

Ok, as I've written this I think I have figured out the situation. The snowshoes were a Christmas present and when the man said he wanted to go for a walk (to get away from his nagging wife) she...nagged...him about wearing his new snowshoes if he was going out in the snow.

Forget your old ways. The idea of having your buddy go with you to talk to a girl and/or her friends is outdated. Consider instead, the Wing(wo)man.

I witnessed this new concept in two different contexts this past Saturday night, one on my behalf and one on behalf of a girl we were with that night.

First, on my behalf this was how the wing(wo)man worked: There was a cute girl not too far from where we had chosen to put out the vibe. Ignore the post last week about talking to that girl, I have reverted to the ways of simple regret in my inability to approach the fairer gender. Though, in my defense, this girl clearly had a boyfriend. What do you ask would make me so sure of this? Nothing more than the touchy feely groping they let us enjoy free of charge...oh, and the kissing. Apparently my friends were oblivious to these goings on as they were trying to convince me that he was some schmuck (I knew that part!) who was anything but her boyfriend. Cue the Wing(wo)man. This girl just sauntered over to the object of my attention and her friends and probed, "I was wondering if you are dating someone." She replied that she is and the Wing(wo)man laughed a bit with the crowd before casually returning with the news.

A Wingman would have gone with me to chat her up a bit allowing my dignity to slip away with each passing moment as the rejection increased ever so exponentially. My Wing(wo)man prevented any such build up.

The Flip Side:

Time had come for the reality of the situation. It is always easier to act on behalf of someone else. I am on board with this ideal. Even I could most likely talk to a girl in a bar as long as I was doing so as agent for a friend. If I am setting them up for a friend to knock them down, the tables have turned. It is always more difficult to do it for yourself. My Wing(wo)man exhibited this Saturday. After she had saved any embarrassment I would have encountered had I actually ever planned on talking to that girl, she picked a guy out for herself. And never one to let an opportunity to slide, I took full advantage of ragging on her for holding up the wall when she could be over there talking to him. Instead of her making her move, another friend went into action. My Wing(wo)man had a Wing(wo)man (hereinafter Wing(wo)man2) of her own. What a concept! So Wing(wo)man2 goes to work and comes back after a bit and says, "Get over there, he wants to meet you." Incredible!

A guy and his Wingman would approach a girl in hopes of success. A girl sends her Wing(wo)man in ahead of time to preempt any rejection. The efficiency is mind boggling.

Go to the bar with your buddies, but never be too far from your Wing(wo)man. I am a believer.

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This category is earning it's stripes today. Here are a jumble of the random thoughts I have had roughly over the past 12-24 hours. There, obviously were more, but these are the ones I remember. Sure I could have broken them apart and made separate posts for each one, but that would have been too much unnecessary work. Get over it.

Highlights:
Seeing Bob Seger on the Smooch Cam. (No need for you to read any more into that than it was cool to see a local celeb part take in a fun thing during a timeout.)

Deciding that I feel it is more of a duty than a desire to name my first born child Stromile. Yes, regardless of gender. What a sweet name! (Sure if it's a boy and he turns out to have 4 foot long arms and end up making millions in the NBA, I would not complain. I'll love him either way...probably.)

Lowlights:
Wendys has removed the Wild Mountain Chicken Sammich from their menu. (Though I just had the regular spicy sandwich and it was still great.)

For those of you who have seen me recently, I had that mop chopped off. I finally got my haircut. I think it had been something like 4 months since my last. "I never knew your hair was so curly." -Ken T. Barber. Let me ask you this, Ken...if that is your real name...You've cut my hair almost my entire life, if you've not seen it that curly, who do you think would have? If it had ever been long enough to be this curly in the past YOU would have cut it!!!

Sidelights:
How cool would it be to have a spot on whatever board it is that is responsible for rating movies. Think about it, you get to see every movie before it comes out. Months before it comes out. All you have to do after you watch it is say if you think there was too much swearing. I think I'm in the wrong business. (It would do wonders for movie review blog traffic.)

A sidelight to refer to lowlight #1. I would venture a guess that the Wild Mountain Chicken Sandwich was a popular endeavor for the good people at Wendys, though it is now gone. Here is my suggestion for a new treat: Spicy Chicken Nuggets. Whenever it was that Wendys changed their breaded chicken, both the regular and the spicy, they made the right change. Both are significantly improved. The new spicy is just right. Take that and cross-breed it with the 5-piece nuggets and I think we have a cash crop. Make it a limited time dealy. No need to roll it out permanently. Pilot test it, but let me in. Sure, I may not be the first to come up with this, may I say, ingenious idea, but I had it none the less.

I had to add one more. It was nice to see that the Sun Messengers cleaned up their act. Apparently I was not the only one who was surprised at their use of the word "retarded" over the loud speakers at Pistons games. Either they read privatjokr.com....(It could happen!)....or someone actually complained. Last night at the game they obviously played the same songs as they do every night. When "Let's Get it Started" came on, they played the whole thing clean.

For those of you who know me, this is not news. If we've never met, consider this your first introduction into the mind of "Privatjokr": I do not do well talking to the fairer gender. I have more stories of regret from not talking to girls than many people you have met. Now, a surprise for you all: I talked to a girl today.

I maintain my position in that I still am unable to approach a girl to whom I have never spoken. I use the term "cold calling" as approaching a girl would be the same as picking up a phone to make a sales call. (I guess the scary part here is that I was at one point trying to get into sales...) The girl in question today was not a "cold call". She works retail in the men's clothing industry. I met her through buying some fancy new stuff to wear on my work trips. The background is boring and I know you all want me to get to the good part and skip to where I lost my dignity.

I said "dignity", knock it off.

So I went to her place of employ today during my lunch break to do something that I am not known for: to see if she might like to accompany me somewhere sometime. I'll take you there now.

"What do you want?" she asked, jokingly.
"Actually, I came in to see if I could take you to lunch."
: pause :
"Like a date?"

Ok, I have to interrupt here. You know in the cartoons where the two guys pop up on opposite shoulders? The angel and the devil? Well, at this point in the conversation, cue my two little guys.

"Like a date?"
"No, it's wardrobe consultant appreciation week..." quipped the devil.

Alas, the angel won.

"Like a date?"
"Yes, like a date."

If any of you know any cool HTML tags to show the brilliant shade of pink she turned at this point, I'm open to suggestions. (That is the only highlight from my perspective, but blushing doesn't get me a date.)

"I'm flattered, I wasn't expecting this. : pause : But, I have a boyfriend, I'm sorry."

I went on to tease her about how the older clientele she deals with probably does the same as I. I figure it is in her training. "Let him down gently then cross-sell the latest ties." (At least she was laughing, but laughing doesn't get me a date.)

"Maybe lunch as not a date?"
"Sure," I said as if we both meant it.

I feel bad for the poor bastard who is her boyfriend. I'm not sure anyone has ever apologized so much for being in a relationship. She honestly said she was sorry like four times. I hope it wasn't a reflection on him. I kid, I kid.

The moral of the story, however is a simple one. Lay your dignity on the floor in front of a girl and she is still able to end the conversation in the expected fashion, "I hope you still come in and see me for your clothes."

Girls are only after your commission.

Now I know that she most likely didn't mean it that way, but it makes for a better story if that is the picture I paint. Either way, I'm moving to the side of a mountain somewhere in Tibet. I would venture a guess that goats are more forgiving.

What a way to start the new year...

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