Thoughts

For those of you who know me, this is not news. If we've never met, consider this your first introduction into the mind of "Privatjokr": I do not do well talking to the fairer gender. I have more stories of regret from not talking to girls than many people you have met. Now, a surprise for you all: I talked to a girl today.

I maintain my position in that I still am unable to approach a girl to whom I have never spoken. I use the term "cold calling" as approaching a girl would be the same as picking up a phone to make a sales call. (I guess the scary part here is that I was at one point trying to get into sales...) The girl in question today was not a "cold call". She works retail in the men's clothing industry. I met her through buying some fancy new stuff to wear on my work trips. The background is boring and I know you all want me to get to the good part and skip to where I lost my dignity.

I said "dignity", knock it off.

So I went to her place of employ today during my lunch break to do something that I am not known for: to see if she might like to accompany me somewhere sometime. I'll take you there now.

"What do you want?" she asked, jokingly.
"Actually, I came in to see if I could take you to lunch."
: pause :
"Like a date?"

Ok, I have to interrupt here. You know in the cartoons where the two guys pop up on opposite shoulders? The angel and the devil? Well, at this point in the conversation, cue my two little guys.

"Like a date?"
"No, it's wardrobe consultant appreciation week..." quipped the devil.

Alas, the angel won.

"Like a date?"
"Yes, like a date."

If any of you know any cool HTML tags to show the brilliant shade of pink she turned at this point, I'm open to suggestions. (That is the only highlight from my perspective, but blushing doesn't get me a date.)

"I'm flattered, I wasn't expecting this. : pause : But, I have a boyfriend, I'm sorry."

I went on to tease her about how the older clientele she deals with probably does the same as I. I figure it is in her training. "Let him down gently then cross-sell the latest ties." (At least she was laughing, but laughing doesn't get me a date.)

"Maybe lunch as not a date?"
"Sure," I said as if we both meant it.

I feel bad for the poor bastard who is her boyfriend. I'm not sure anyone has ever apologized so much for being in a relationship. She honestly said she was sorry like four times. I hope it wasn't a reflection on him. I kid, I kid.

The moral of the story, however is a simple one. Lay your dignity on the floor in front of a girl and she is still able to end the conversation in the expected fashion, "I hope you still come in and see me for your clothes."

Girls are only after your commission.

Now I know that she most likely didn't mean it that way, but it makes for a better story if that is the picture I paint. Either way, I'm moving to the side of a mountain somewhere in Tibet. I would venture a guess that goats are more forgiving.

What a way to start the new year...

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