Thoughts

If any of you tried to access this site between Wednesday and Saturday of this past week, you know you were unable to do so. The landing page showed that the account, my account, had been suspended. The explanation is one involving security. Someone had placed a program within the files of this website that have destructive ability, and are thus a violation of the terms of service I have with the company that hosts the site.

I have been in communication with my host for the past few days and after some housekeeping measures we should be up and running again with no problems. I wish I could tell you that this would not happen again. With the forums being hacked earlier this summer, and now this, please understand how frustrating it is for me.

Though I am so pleased and flattered that you visit the page, I hate to receive the e-mails of disappointment when you can't get to the site. It was even worse this time as I was out of town when it happened which is why there was such a delay in getting the site back up and running.

I like to think that we are just that much stronger as we head into the future. Thank you for your continued support and I am truly sorry for any inconvenience this caused.

You sit in your assigned seat, tray table locked and seat back in its upright position, as the plane taxis to the runway. You have pulled away from the gate only moments before; the trip before take-off is not a long one.

The captain or some assemblence of the cockpit lackey, allowed to tag along for the sole purpose of making those wonderful announcements, comes over the broadcast system and gives instruction.

"Flight attendants please prepare for take off."

They have just made sure we were all on board, seated, etc... They have closed the boarding door, all cellular phones have been turned off, and as mentioned above, we are not taxiing to the runway to take our position in line to take off.

So my question is this, What on Earth are these flight attendants doing if they're not already preparing to take off? Why does this clown have to come on and tell them to do it? Could one or maybe many flight attendants just forget to prepare for take off?

"Hmmm, I know I should be doing something right now, but I can't seem to remember what it is. I am sure I unplugged the iron before I left, that's not it. The dry cleaning won't be ready until Wednesday, so that's not it either. Did I forget to write the great American novel?
*Flight attendants please prepare for take off.*
"That's it. Silly me. I was way off."

Who are these morons who take care of us as we roam the friendly skies yet they can't keep it straight that before we take off that they are supposed to "prepare" for it?

I want to know...

And no, I don't mean like beer x-ray specs or beer probing lenses. The title of the post reflects a situation where a friend turned her beer goggles on herself at the wedding I attended this past weekend (details of the wedding to come later).

To keep this somewhat clean...you know, for the kids...I will try to be as delicate as possible. The star of the show was a Miss E. Gordon, no wait that's too obvious, well call her Erin G. At the reception post wedding, towards the end of the night (A/K/A she'd had a cocktail or two), she made a comment to a small group of us who stood nearby (and anyone else in ear shot).

"When I drink they get bigger," she said as she looked down her own dress.

This would lead to one of the following conclusions; two schools of thought if you will.

1. The Beer Goggle Phenomenon, by which the more you drink the more attractive people seem, is not an excuse at all but rather a naturally occurring event. As if the alcohol you drink really makes other people attractive, but only until you wake up next to them.

2. The young lady in question caught a glimpse into the world of every man (and some women) she has ever been seen by at the bar. For that time on Saturday, however brief, she understood what happens when we go back for another round; "liquid enhancement" I like to call it.

I am guessing that option #1 is less likely, so in reference to #2 all I will say is that, if it makes you feel better, Erin, when I drink they look bigger to me, too. Well, I would say that, but you know me...all eye contact all the time. I am interested in women for their depth and substance.

I have always been a morning person. Many people complain about having to be up early in the morning, I do not mind. Being up early, that is. I mind the complaining. Sleep is a skill that seems to have eluded me for so many years and in my attempt to finally get it right I have recently fallen pray to the snooze bug. In typical Peter fashion, one night I went to bed a little later than I should have based upon how much sleep that left me with come morning. I slept through my alarm, which I do not do very often at all. I have traditionally been a rather light sleeper, though times appear to be changing. To defend against the sleep-through offensive, I initiated the snooze.

I wake up to the alarm on my cell phone, which I have posted previously, but now I have told you again. Deal with it. What worlds this has opened me up to are fantastic. Three alarms. I know there are alarm clocks that do offer multiple alarms to be set, for roommates and married folk, but they are not for me. The electricity in my home blinks out at the drop of a hat, so why risk it going out in the middle of the night and thus resetting my alarm clock?

Anyway, for the past few months I have been waking up with alarms set for 5:00am and then 5:15am. There has been a sharp decline in my ability to wake up and meet the day since I made the change to snooze. The problem is that I am actually more tired when I get up the second time than I would be if I just rolled out of bed after the first alarm.

I used to have a problem with waking up some 30-45 minutes before my alarm went off. I told myself that I would just get up at that point rather than go back to sleep. I knew it back then, so why would I think that a 15 minute snooze would be a good idea now?

I believe we condition ourselves on the weekends when we try to wring every last drop of sleep out of the night. During the week I have to be up for work, but Saturdays and Sundays are different. And when I get 5 hours of sleep a night during the week, would it not seem like a good idea to try to recharge my battery as much as possible on the weekends? So I wake up, glance at the clock, see I have not yet wasted the day away, and go back to sleep. This mentality has carried over to my weekday mornings. But no more. A change is necessary, so a change we make. I will henceforth no longer use the snooze.

(Pun only slightly intended.)

As of my trip to Las Vegas early last month I have surpassed the number of miles needed to be flown to qualify for WorldPerks Silver Elite with Northwest Airlines. Even though it has been official since that trip, it was not until today that I can say that I am an actual card carrying member of the Elite program.

Fly 25,000 miles (or 30 qualifying segments) in one calendar year (January 1 - December 31) and you gain your Silver Elite status. For Gold Elite it is 50,000 miles or 60 segments. Platinum Elite is 75,000 or 100 segments. It is nice that even though 2005 is not over, they have grandfathered me into the Elite program which I will now keep until February 28, 2007. My status for 2007 is dependent upon solely my travel in 2006. So I need to keep flying or I will lose my status.

A few of the "Perks":
- 1.5 miles per mile flown. (Makes it easier to retain status)
- Unliminted complimentary first class upgrades (from coach seat)
- Priority reservations
- Select seating
- Priority check-in
- Priority boarding
- Priority reservation waitlisting (your name on top)
- Priority standby (priority over other passengers when on standby)

I look forward to the priority seating, but not as much as the complimentary upgrades. Though that is contingent upon there a) being open seats and b) not being anyone with a higher elite status who has priority over me. So now I sit and wait (im)patiently for the e-mail I will get in advance telling me I have been upgraded.

Since I am on such a streak of retelling conversations this week, I will continue down that road. This one took place a few days ago between my boss (Boss), a coworker (Coworker) and, to a lesser extent, me.

The background necessary is that Boss's dog is in recovery mode after a rather serious operation. Coworker inquired as to the status of the patient.

Boss: She's getting a little better everyday.
Coworker: Well that's good.
Boss: Peter will get a kick out of this, I have to brush her teeth tonight.
Coworker: Why does he get a kick out of it?
Boss: Just that he's not a dog lover. I actually brush my dog's teeth once a week.
Coworker: Oh, I've done it, too.
Boss: What flavor do you use? Poultry?

Poultry. Yes, that's right, poultry flavored toothpaste. I sat idly by as the rest of the conversation took place, but at this moment I could not resist as the feeling overtook me. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. I know she would only have brought it up if she were serious, but she explained anyway that it really exists. And that is what she uses.

Can you imagine this though? Am I the only one that feels a little left out? She said the dogs need the special toothpaste because it's non-toxic and it is ok if they swallow it...

Right. Because that's the reason the dogs swallow the toothpaste. If it was chicken toothpaste I'd swallow it too! Give me a break. When will this be on the market for my consumption? I need clean teeth, too.

Go with me on this. How many times have you had a delicious chicken dinner that strikes controversy in your very soul when it's time for bed and you need to brush your teeth? Here you are, time to brush up and knock off for the night yet it becomes a weights and measures game. I really need to brush my teeth, yet I can still taste the chicken and it's glorious. Sure, you brush. You run that chicken right out of flavortown and replace it with boring peppermint. Dude. Peppermint? You are not happy about it, but you do it.

Say goodbye to that feeling forever. I know you have questions. I provide answers. I am talking about a simple revolution in the world of dental hygiene. Brushing your teeth will never be the same.

Have a hard time getting your children to brush? I blame spearmint. Cookies and cream toothpaste anyone?

Oh, I had pot roast for dinner? I will use my pot roast toothpaste tonight before I go to sleep.

Vegetarian? Well, you're on your own. Sorry.

They make silly flavor product extensions of global brands. I can get Cinnamon, Vanilla, Citrus and who knows whatever else, but why can't I get Mashed Potatoes and Gravy flavored?!

Ladies, you think the way to a man's heart is wearing the right perfume? No. So much money is spent in trying to impress men. The recipe for success is an easy one. Kiss a man with chicken pot pie on the breath and he's yours. I should really charge you to read this.

I know that it is a huge conspiracy and it goes right to the top. Thousands of top toothpaste personnel drift off to the Sandman's gentle call every night with a porterhouse steak dancing through their heads and their mouths. Didn't brush, right? Wrong. The technology exists.

Think about it.

Who do I talk to in requesting a "do over" on last night's sleep? The opportunity to close my eyes and attempt a better rest is greatly appealing. (I'll avoid my geeky request for the real life Crtl+Z.)

Everything was going as planned. The Sunday night football game was on (with minimal volume) as I lie in bed with my Torts book. I was being a good student and reading the cases before class...blah blah blah. As I began to fade, I set my book down and turned out the lights and off the television. It was maybe midway through the third quarter.

The next thing I know, my cell phone is ringing. Most people sleep with their cell phone off or in the other room. I use my cell phone as my alarm, thus it being on...full volume and a few inches from my head. It rings. I answer. Loud undecipherable noise. Call ends. Great. It rings again...

Did I recognize the number? Are you kidding? I did not have the presence of mind to actually look at it first, I simply answered. The loud background noise coming through the phone sounds familiar. I know that noise...that sounds like a bar. Who on Earth is at the bar at whatever time it is?

"Hello?"
"Hey!"
"..."
"Do you know who this is?"

Ok, I have to stop. This is the all-time WORST question to ask someone on the phone. Why do people do this? A better question is do I care who it is...

"No."

Rob Caliendo, ladies and gentlemen. One of my brother's groomsmen-to-be decided that this was the perfect opportunity to discuss whatever it was that was on his mind with...me. The little background you need is that he just so happened to have called me the night before. I was at the bar. He was at the bar. If you have ever attempted a similar phone call, you understand the difficulty. As I did not have his phone number and could not distinguish any recognizable voice patterns over the phone amidst the noise I did not know it was him. But last night was a great time to recap our call, right?

"Hey, I called you last night."
"Yes. If that was you, then yes you did."
"We need to talk."
"Ok."

If in fact he has something wedding related, one might suggest calling me at another time. One where we are both available to talk and maybe brainstorm with clear heads if need be. On the other hand if he called for another reason, so be it. This is the part of the conversation that is a little fuzzy in my head, but I will do my best to give you the rundown.

"Ok, I blacked out last night and I know we talked."
"Well, there was too much noise and I never heard a word you said."
"But the call went on for minutes."
"No, it was very brief. I couldn't hear you and that was it."
"I was told we shared a moment."

You really have to know the kid. This is him half-seriously attempting to find out what went on and him half-obnoxiously baiting me into a much longer conversation than I am hoping to have.

"No, we didn't."
"You don't sound like your usual self."
"I was sleeping."
"Why? It's not like you have to work tomorrow."

Ok, now this threw me for a loop. I seem to remember going to sleep on Sunday night, which would make this "tomorrow" he speaks of Monday by my calculations. But if this person is telling me I don't have to work the next day, it can't be Sunday. So I start to wonder why I was asleep and what day it is really. A ha, I figured it out. Tomorrow (today), Monday is Columbus Day. A day apparently where some businesses take the day off to celebrate a day on which a man found some islands near where we now call home.

"Actually, I do have work tomorrow.
"Ok, call me later this week. We have to talk."

Ok, Rob. I'll call you this week.

12:30am. Not too late when you really think about it, but it was my inability to fall asleep after the phone call coupled with the 4am wakeup time I had scheduled for this morning. It's this little thing I do since I am a bad student and have difficulty having the cases read before class...blah blah blah.

So if I appear crabby today, my excuse is now made public.

So Saturday night, in a rare turn of events, not only did I end up at the bar, but I actually found myself talking to girls. Trust me, I was as shocked as you. I headed out to the bar with a buddy from law school on Saturday in an effort to get out of the house. Also, we hadn't gone out together in awhile, so that was remedied.

While we stood watching Penn State secure their win over Ohio State, a girl came and stood between us. She excused herself explaining that she just wanted to watch the end of the game. Good for her. Sure she could have watched any one of the many TVs in the bar showing the same game, but she set her sights and went after it. I've heard stories of such events, though never been witness to one before this weekend.

So she and my buddy get to talking. I, as a good friend and wingman, interject enough to keep conversation going between them. I'm also good for a joke every now and again just to make sure everyone's paying attention; even if at one point I used his joke. So sue me. She wasn't around the first time when he used it, so when she came back I took the liberty. His fault for not using it. But after a reprimand, I did agree to parenthetically cite him when I use his joke(s) in front of girls he is courting.

I will be so bold as to say that I am good (not great) at helping out a friend in need in just such a situation. I say the right things to make you look good and keep everyone happy. It almost always is appreciated. Not Saturday.

One little comment and all of a sudden I am the bad guy. I can't help it; it slipped. I join the conversation late to find that this girl's dad was his teacher and football coach in high school.

Here is a short list of acceptable responses:
"Oh, no kidding."
"Great."
"Small world."

We also would have accepted:
"Huh. Ya don't say."

But not me. No, I like to think outside of the box:
"You played football?!?"

It was an accident. Such a harmless comment dripping in my tone of disbelief, though she did give a little sympathetic laugh and did the flirty hand on his forearm girlie thing. Even in my moment of weakness I help the kid out.

Sure I tried to explain that girls have cooties, but he had to go get her phone number anyway. It has to make you wonder why her friends responded to that bit of news as they did. What do you think, "No, she's a great girl. ...(just don't break up with her)," means?

Either way, a successful night. And a lot of fun. How come no one ever told me that talking to girls could be such a good time? Maybe I'll try it again sometime. Probably not, but maybe.

Life is good.

Last night I met up with some friends at a sports bar to watch some opening day hockey. Let me first say, "Welcome back, NHL." That year off was tough for me, but I feel things picking back up. Watching my Red Wings trounce the St. Louis Blues with a cold Canadian brew just felt right.

I could not believe how empty the SPORTS bar was considering the following factors:

1) Bar in Metro Detroit and hockey is back.
2) Playoff baseball was on.

In any case, there weren't many people at the bar, but it was nice to be out in public and able to cheer in a crowd as Patrick Lalime was shamed on the first game of the season.

A few notes on the game:
I am so excited that the Wings were able to resign Pavel Datsyuk, and he made his presence felt immediately with two points in the first game of the season. Brendan Shanahan, though he almost has his AARP card, played enforcer last night (as he often does). This Detroit team unfortunately has no go-to "goon" when things get a little confrontational on the ice, but Shanny is always in the thick of things when it happens. That is good to see. I applaud the 10 minute misconduct he got for instigating a fight. In fact it was the best kind of fight. The gloves dropped with the puck at face-off. In no way does it compare to years ago when 6 Red Wings fought 6 Avalanche as the puck dropped (yes that includes goalies skating to center ice), but it signaled that hockey was back. Manny Legace played well enough. He only faced some 13 shots in total which has to be tough on some goaltenders who expect to keep on their toes and not grow complacent wondering when the puck will next come their way. I would like to see him finally win the starting job in Detroit. He has been a solid backup over the past few years as the Wings have brought in big name goalies. I feel he has paid his dues, but even I won't hand it to him, he has to out-play Chris Osgood all season long.