Thoughts

Since I am on such a streak of retelling conversations this week, I will continue down that road. This one took place a few days ago between my boss (Boss), a coworker (Coworker) and, to a lesser extent, me.

The background necessary is that Boss's dog is in recovery mode after a rather serious operation. Coworker inquired as to the status of the patient.

Boss: She's getting a little better everyday.
Coworker: Well that's good.
Boss: Peter will get a kick out of this, I have to brush her teeth tonight.
Coworker: Why does he get a kick out of it?
Boss: Just that he's not a dog lover. I actually brush my dog's teeth once a week.
Coworker: Oh, I've done it, too.
Boss: What flavor do you use? Poultry?

Poultry. Yes, that's right, poultry flavored toothpaste. I sat idly by as the rest of the conversation took place, but at this moment I could not resist as the feeling overtook me. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. I know she would only have brought it up if she were serious, but she explained anyway that it really exists. And that is what she uses.

Can you imagine this though? Am I the only one that feels a little left out? She said the dogs need the special toothpaste because it's non-toxic and it is ok if they swallow it...

Right. Because that's the reason the dogs swallow the toothpaste. If it was chicken toothpaste I'd swallow it too! Give me a break. When will this be on the market for my consumption? I need clean teeth, too.

Go with me on this. How many times have you had a delicious chicken dinner that strikes controversy in your very soul when it's time for bed and you need to brush your teeth? Here you are, time to brush up and knock off for the night yet it becomes a weights and measures game. I really need to brush my teeth, yet I can still taste the chicken and it's glorious. Sure, you brush. You run that chicken right out of flavortown and replace it with boring peppermint. Dude. Peppermint? You are not happy about it, but you do it.

Say goodbye to that feeling forever. I know you have questions. I provide answers. I am talking about a simple revolution in the world of dental hygiene. Brushing your teeth will never be the same.

Have a hard time getting your children to brush? I blame spearmint. Cookies and cream toothpaste anyone?

Oh, I had pot roast for dinner? I will use my pot roast toothpaste tonight before I go to sleep.

Vegetarian? Well, you're on your own. Sorry.

They make silly flavor product extensions of global brands. I can get Cinnamon, Vanilla, Citrus and who knows whatever else, but why can't I get Mashed Potatoes and Gravy flavored?!

Ladies, you think the way to a man's heart is wearing the right perfume? No. So much money is spent in trying to impress men. The recipe for success is an easy one. Kiss a man with chicken pot pie on the breath and he's yours. I should really charge you to read this.

I know that it is a huge conspiracy and it goes right to the top. Thousands of top toothpaste personnel drift off to the Sandman's gentle call every night with a porterhouse steak dancing through their heads and their mouths. Didn't brush, right? Wrong. The technology exists.

Think about it.