Thoughts

I have taken a good amount of flack on this topic from my family in the past few days. My mother even cut me off mid sentence during my explanation of my actions...by clucking. I was simply telling her why I did what I did, or didn't do as were the case.

"Buk buk buk buk..."

A little less subtly, she then just interrupts.

"You're a chicken."

Yeah, I got that part, mom. But why? I do not think what I had done was so bad. Decide for yourself.

Tuesday night I was wife-sitting (don't ask, it's another post all in itself). The plan was dinner and we chose an Italian restaurant in town. When seated at our table, the gentleman told us our server's name is Nick and that he would be with us in just a moment. Glancing around the establishment, as this was my first time inside, I immediately knew who our server would be. Three tables away was a young man who had been a classmate of mine.

"I know our server."
"You do?"
"Yeah, we went to school together."
"When?"
"...Elementary school."
"You remember that?"
"I could tell you not only his last name, but also his older brother's name."

So obviously I talked to him and told him who I am and how I know him, because obviously he would remember me and we would laugh like two fools reminiscing over the good old days, right?

Well, you see, no. I didn't do anything more than tell him how good the food was and thank him for refilling my water. I have not seen him in what, 13 years or so. What part of our business relationship, he as representative of the restaurant, me as hungry, made this the appropriate time to point out our former connection? We were friends then, that was a long time ago. We are not friends now, not that we couldn't be, but he was at work and the restaurant was busy.

Would you prefer that I had pointed it out as soon as he had first come to our table? Or did you want me to wait until I was walking out the door to mention it?

Please allow me to list my excuses reasons for not saying something:
1) I have what has, in some cases, been called an "above average" memory. I am often able to recall events, people and specific details from situations others cannot. Based upon this, I do not like to place myself in an awkward situation where I figure everyone remembers the things I do. Nor do I want to make someone feel slight for not remembering something I do, let alone as vividly. Why bring up a friendship that happened more than 50% of my life ago when maybe only 50% of the two of us remembers? Maybe if I had the time to refresh his memory.

2) Timing. Had I said something to him at the beginning of the meal, I feel that things may have then been awkward for the rest of our stay. So you talk for a minute about what you have been up to for the rest of your life and then before you know it he has to get back to work, he has other tables. So now, each time he comes back do you pursue further conversation? If yes, he slows down his service to other restaurant patrons and my dinnermate would get down right bored not to mention annoyed at the interruptions in conversation caused by routine food service visits. Or do you let that first conversation be the first and only and then there is an awkward silence each time he then returns to the table? Do they let crickets into Italian restaurants?

The little lady brave enough to endure dinner with me had plans to visit with family from out of town after our reservation so I did not want to delay her by making conversation as I left. Nor did I want to then have to deal with the awkward "Oh, you recognized me from the beginning, but you didn't say anything until now? Imagine the catching up we could have done during your meal."

3) I paid the bill with my credit card. A cop out, sure. But now he had my name, and could choose to bring it up if he so desired. And guess what, he didn't either.

It would have been nice to say "Hello". I can admit that, but the possibilities for things to be weird were too great. I know where he works and should be able to find him if the feeling comes over me.

I have never worked in the food industry. I do not know if saying something, anything, at one time or another would have been deemed acceptable or not.

But I have now seen him for the first time in years. He did look exactly the same....save looking taller, older, slightly heavier (happens to the best of us) oh, and I don't remember him having the 5 o'clock shadow at recess.

Maybe next time.