I still feel kinda bad.

November 3rd, 2005

In trying to remain relatively active, part of the plan is to make a more concerted effort to play more tennis. The idea came to me to try and join a league at my gym. For whatever reason I was unable to join, but my name and phone number were added to the "sub" list. In the event someone in the league is unable to make it, I may get a call to play in his stead.

Prior to yesterday I had been called three times to play, but I have been unavailable each time. I have no idea what level this league plays at, so I may not be good enough to play in this league, or maybe I am better than most of the players. If I had that information, maybe I wouldn't be worried. I really want to play, but I feel that if I keep saying that I cannot sub for people, my phone will stop ringing...

Cut to yesterday.

I get a call asking me to play at 8pm last night. The only plans I had last night were to go to the gym after work and then go home in time to watch the Pistons season opener. I tell the guy that I have no plans that would prevent me from subbing in his place, so sure I'll play. Sometimes you are on a call where you feel it rude to take your call-waiting; this was one of those times. I saw that Josh was calling, no big deal. I'll call him back. And I do...

Josh: Want to go to the Pistons game tonight?
Me: You have tickets?
Josh: Yes.
Me: Let me call you right back. I just agreed to sub in a tennis league. I have to call this guy and cancel.

And I did. I called the guy right back and told him that I was very sorry, but something came up immediately and I was thus unable to sub for him as I had originally said. I know I am a horrible person. He was surprisingly understanding of the news, but I still feel bad.

Sure the Pistons v 76ers game was the priority here, but I had told this guy I would cover for him. And I know I shouldn't feel bad because I have no obligation to this tennis league, but sometimes you just can't help it.

I try to justify my actions in saying that he was just trying to go to the game, too. It may seem ironic that the last time I was asked to sub was the day of the Red Wings opener. I think I see a pattern forming here.

So my thanks to Josh for calling and Paul for getting us the tickets. My apologies to the guy I didn't sub for and also the guy who probably didn't get to play last night since there were no subs available.

Everything would be fine if only Darko played better last night!

Will Wear Pants for Red Wings Tickets

November 2nd, 2005

Do those legs to all the way up?At work we have had a few issues with the temperature in the building. As a result of three consecutive days of 88 degrees INSIDE, the powers that be granted us casual attire. There has been no deadline imposed upon this new development, but I am taking full advantage while I am able. I am not one to wear pants...when I can avoid it.

In the choice between shorts or pants, studies have proven that 60% of the time I'll wear shorts everytime. This is not without exceptions, however.

One example is, oh say...

Jill: Do you have plans tonight?
Me: You know how I like to volunteer my time with so many charitable organizations, help old ladies across the street and get kittens out of trees for little girls...
Jill: There is a slight, and I emphasize the word slight, chance I may have suite tickets for the Wings tonight.
Me: Don't tease me.
Jill: I'm not being a tease, if they do come through I just don't want to leave it until the last minute to ask you to go. I just don't know if it is only 1 ticket for me, or if I can get my hands on 2 or 3 or 4.

:What feels like an entire generation passes; I can feel my bones growing brittle with age:

Jill: You're in. What time can you be at my house?
Me: I can be there at like 5:30, but if you want me in pants, I need more time.
Jill: I'll probably be in jeans, but pants for you would be nice. Is that a deal breaker?

Typically, ladies and gentleman, this would be a deal breaker.

"Meet me at the bar, oh and wear pants."
"I hear Paris is lovely this time of year, let's up and go right now. Oh, you don't mind wearing pants do you?"

The answer here will not be favorable. Wear pants? No thanks. And yes, I do mind. But for a last minute invitation to get to see a game at the Joe I will make the extra effort.

I had a lot of fun at the game and it is always nice to see a win. Thanks Jill.

Go Wings!

My Apologies

October 30th, 2005

If any of you tried to access this site between Wednesday and Saturday of this past week, you know you were unable to do so. The landing page showed that the account, my account, had been suspended. The explanation is one involving security. Someone had placed a program within the files of this website that have destructive ability, and are thus a violation of the terms of service I have with the company that hosts the site.

I have been in communication with my host for the past few days and after some housekeeping measures we should be up and running again with no problems. I wish I could tell you that this would not happen again. With the forums being hacked earlier this summer, and now this, please understand how frustrating it is for me.

Though I am so pleased and flattered that you visit the page, I hate to receive the e-mails of disappointment when you can't get to the site. It was even worse this time as I was out of town when it happened which is why there was such a delay in getting the site back up and running.

I like to think that we are just that much stronger as we head into the future. Thank you for your continued support and I am truly sorry for any inconvenience this caused.

October 29th, 2005
My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

Bring on the sexy stews.

October 24th, 2005

You sit in your assigned seat, tray table locked and seat back in its upright position, as the plane taxis to the runway. You have pulled away from the gate only moments before; the trip before take-off is not a long one.

The captain or some assemblence of the cockpit lackey, allowed to tag along for the sole purpose of making those wonderful announcements, comes over the broadcast system and gives instruction.

"Flight attendants please prepare for take off."

They have just made sure we were all on board, seated, etc... They have closed the boarding door, all cellular phones have been turned off, and as mentioned above, we are not taxiing to the runway to take our position in line to take off.

So my question is this, What on Earth are these flight attendants doing if they're not already preparing to take off? Why does this clown have to come on and tell them to do it? Could one or maybe many flight attendants just forget to prepare for take off?

"Hmmm, I know I should be doing something right now, but I can't seem to remember what it is. I am sure I unplugged the iron before I left, that's not it. The dry cleaning won't be ready until Wednesday, so that's not it either. Did I forget to write the great American novel?
*Flight attendants please prepare for take off.*
"That's it. Silly me. I was way off."

Who are these morons who take care of us as we roam the friendly skies yet they can't keep it straight that before we take off that they are supposed to "prepare" for it?

I want to know...

Internal Beer Goggles.

October 18th, 2005

And no, I don't mean like beer x-ray specs or beer probing lenses. The title of the post reflects a situation where a friend turned her beer goggles on herself at the wedding I attended this past weekend (details of the wedding to come later).

To keep this somewhat clean...you know, for the kids...I will try to be as delicate as possible. The star of the show was a Miss E. Gordon, no wait that's too obvious, well call her Erin G. At the reception post wedding, towards the end of the night (A/K/A she'd had a cocktail or two), she made a comment to a small group of us who stood nearby (and anyone else in ear shot).

"When I drink they get bigger," she said as she looked down her own dress.

This would lead to one of the following conclusions; two schools of thought if you will.

1. The Beer Goggle Phenomenon, by which the more you drink the more attractive people seem, is not an excuse at all but rather a naturally occurring event. As if the alcohol you drink really makes other people attractive, but only until you wake up next to them.

2. The young lady in question caught a glimpse into the world of every man (and some women) she has ever been seen by at the bar. For that time on Saturday, however brief, she understood what happens when we go back for another round; "liquid enhancement" I like to call it.

I am guessing that option #1 is less likely, so in reference to #2 all I will say is that, if it makes you feel better, Erin, when I drink they look bigger to me, too. Well, I would say that, but you know me...all eye contact all the time. I am interested in women for their depth and substance.

The Snooze.

October 17th, 2005

I have always been a morning person. Many people complain about having to be up early in the morning, I do not mind. Being up early, that is. I mind the complaining. Sleep is a skill that seems to have eluded me for so many years and in my attempt to finally get it right I have recently fallen pray to the snooze bug. In typical Peter fashion, one night I went to bed a little later than I should have based upon how much sleep that left me with come morning. I slept through my alarm, which I do not do very often at all. I have traditionally been a rather light sleeper, though times appear to be changing. To defend against the sleep-through offensive, I initiated the snooze.

I wake up to the alarm on my cell phone, which I have posted previously, but now I have told you again. Deal with it. What worlds this has opened me up to are fantastic. Three alarms. I know there are alarm clocks that do offer multiple alarms to be set, for roommates and married folk, but they are not for me. The electricity in my home blinks out at the drop of a hat, so why risk it going out in the middle of the night and thus resetting my alarm clock?

Anyway, for the past few months I have been waking up with alarms set for 5:00am and then 5:15am. There has been a sharp decline in my ability to wake up and meet the day since I made the change to snooze. The problem is that I am actually more tired when I get up the second time than I would be if I just rolled out of bed after the first alarm.

I used to have a problem with waking up some 30-45 minutes before my alarm went off. I told myself that I would just get up at that point rather than go back to sleep. I knew it back then, so why would I think that a 15 minute snooze would be a good idea now?

I believe we condition ourselves on the weekends when we try to wring every last drop of sleep out of the night. During the week I have to be up for work, but Saturdays and Sundays are different. And when I get 5 hours of sleep a night during the week, would it not seem like a good idea to try to recharge my battery as much as possible on the weekends? So I wake up, glance at the clock, see I have not yet wasted the day away, and go back to sleep. This mentality has carried over to my weekday mornings. But no more. A change is necessary, so a change we make. I will henceforth no longer use the snooze.

October 15th, 2005
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
- PJ O'Rourke

I have finally arrived.

October 12th, 2005

(Pun only slightly intended.)

As of my trip to Las Vegas early last month I have surpassed the number of miles needed to be flown to qualify for WorldPerks Silver Elite with Northwest Airlines. Even though it has been official since that trip, it was not until today that I can say that I am an actual card carrying member of the Elite program.

Fly 25,000 miles (or 30 qualifying segments) in one calendar year (January 1 - December 31) and you gain your Silver Elite status. For Gold Elite it is 50,000 miles or 60 segments. Platinum Elite is 75,000 or 100 segments. It is nice that even though 2005 is not over, they have grandfathered me into the Elite program which I will now keep until February 28, 2007. My status for 2007 is dependent upon solely my travel in 2006. So I need to keep flying or I will lose my status.

A few of the "Perks":
- 1.5 miles per mile flown. (Makes it easier to retain status)
- Unliminted complimentary first class upgrades (from coach seat)
- Priority reservations
- Select seating
- Priority check-in
- Priority boarding
- Priority reservation waitlisting (your name on top)
- Priority standby (priority over other passengers when on standby)

I look forward to the priority seating, but not as much as the complimentary upgrades. Though that is contingent upon there a) being open seats and b) not being anyone with a higher elite status who has priority over me. So now I sit and wait (im)patiently for the e-mail I will get in advance telling me I have been upgraded.

What will they think of next?

October 11th, 2005

Since I am on such a streak of retelling conversations this week, I will continue down that road. This one took place a few days ago between my boss (Boss), a coworker (Coworker) and, to a lesser extent, me.

The background necessary is that Boss's dog is in recovery mode after a rather serious operation. Coworker inquired as to the status of the patient.

Boss: She's getting a little better everyday.
Coworker: Well that's good.
Boss: Peter will get a kick out of this, I have to brush her teeth tonight.
Coworker: Why does he get a kick out of it?
Boss: Just that he's not a dog lover. I actually brush my dog's teeth once a week.
Coworker: Oh, I've done it, too.
Boss: What flavor do you use? Poultry?

Poultry. Yes, that's right, poultry flavored toothpaste. I sat idly by as the rest of the conversation took place, but at this moment I could not resist as the feeling overtook me. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. I know she would only have brought it up if she were serious, but she explained anyway that it really exists. And that is what she uses.

Can you imagine this though? Am I the only one that feels a little left out? She said the dogs need the special toothpaste because it's non-toxic and it is ok if they swallow it...

Right. Because that's the reason the dogs swallow the toothpaste. If it was chicken toothpaste I'd swallow it too! Give me a break. When will this be on the market for my consumption? I need clean teeth, too.

Go with me on this. How many times have you had a delicious chicken dinner that strikes controversy in your very soul when it's time for bed and you need to brush your teeth? Here you are, time to brush up and knock off for the night yet it becomes a weights and measures game. I really need to brush my teeth, yet I can still taste the chicken and it's glorious. Sure, you brush. You run that chicken right out of flavortown and replace it with boring peppermint. Dude. Peppermint? You are not happy about it, but you do it.

Say goodbye to that feeling forever. I know you have questions. I provide answers. I am talking about a simple revolution in the world of dental hygiene. Brushing your teeth will never be the same.

Have a hard time getting your children to brush? I blame spearmint. Cookies and cream toothpaste anyone?

Oh, I had pot roast for dinner? I will use my pot roast toothpaste tonight before I go to sleep.

Vegetarian? Well, you're on your own. Sorry.

They make silly flavor product extensions of global brands. I can get Cinnamon, Vanilla, Citrus and who knows whatever else, but why can't I get Mashed Potatoes and Gravy flavored?!

Ladies, you think the way to a man's heart is wearing the right perfume? No. So much money is spent in trying to impress men. The recipe for success is an easy one. Kiss a man with chicken pot pie on the breath and he's yours. I should really charge you to read this.

I know that it is a huge conspiracy and it goes right to the top. Thousands of top toothpaste personnel drift off to the Sandman's gentle call every night with a porterhouse steak dancing through their heads and their mouths. Didn't brush, right? Wrong. The technology exists.

Think about it.