Sunday April 24, 2005

April 24th, 2005

These are the current conditions outside.

Michigan weather is always crazy, but this is a little ridiculous. It was 80 degrees on Tuesday. It has no been snowing for what has to be nearly 24 hours straight. And it is forecasted to be a high of 51 degrees tomorrow. That should, in theory, melt any and all of the accumulation.

My 2 favorite situations at the bar.

April 24th, 2005

Ok, in my observing and people watching tonight at the bar, I came home with two new favorite things to witness at the bar. Tonight was not the first time that I saw either thing, but I have new found appreciation.

1) It is early. There is practically no one on the dance floor yet. Sure, let the place fill up a bit and accordingly the dance floor will see more and more action. However, before the people pile in the door, you will see four girls dancing together. They dance in what would seem a square. Each of the four is dancing to the song, doing what would be considered a conservative move to the music. Without warning one member of the group will catch inspiration and *BOOM* she breaks it down. One hot move, maybe even involving takin' it to the floor and before anyone notices she is back to her routine like the others.

2) Many males at the bar do not understand that they need to dance. No one said they have to be good at it, only that they accept the fact that it behooves them to do so. Some guys have an issue with this, though their girlfriend/date feels to the contrary. The girl wants to dance. She takes him with her and she is understanding. She knows that he will not dance if it involves anything more than holding his drink in one hand and shaking the other as if he is in a bad rap video. This leaves all of the work to her. She takes control and makes him feel like a king. All she does is grind her ass into him and he thinks he has moves to rival both Usher and Fred Astaire. Get off the dance floor you clown, and while you're at it leave your girl where she is!

Honorable mention goes to the four 35+ year old women who only stay until 10-10:30pm. They, similarly to the girls in favorite situation #1, dance in a square. They, however, do not even attempt a dance move you have ever seen before. Sure, we're younger, perhaps the moves simply require a dusting off and they would be recognizable to someone a year or twelve older than I. These women intrigue me.

Wash your hands.

April 23rd, 2005

Even if you are in the whatever percentage of people who do not wash their hands after a restroom stop, would there not be any additional social influence to do so when you are in a public place?

How do people leave a stall or walk away from a urinal in front of a long line of soon-to-be urinators and make a b-line past the sinks? When there is a line in the restroom you have an audience. There is nothing to do in the line to use the restroom except watch the guys who got there before you.

Why does this not impress upon you the need to at least run your hands under the water just a little bit. No one will ever know that you didn't really wash your hands. It can be a secret you take to your grave.

I just don't get it. Wash your hands.

"You too."

April 22nd, 2005

Is there another commonly used phrase that can leave you in as many awkward situations as "you too"?

Often times it is expectation of a comment to which we are trained that "you too" is proper and polite. You end a conversation with someone (as I just did) and you bank on the fact that the next thing out of their mouth will be something to the effect of "have a nice day" as so many phone calls with clients and vendors do. You are then thrown for a loop as this person throws a curve.

"Thank you for your time," she said.
"You too," I, like a jackass, reply as we both move to replace our phone handsets in their cradle.

Sure the call is over, yet the feeling remains. It is not one of embarrassment; I will never speak to this particular vendor again and even if I did, so what? The feeling is one of defeat. No matter how many times it happens, we never guard against it.

My particular favorite takes us to the airport. Maybe you are checking in for your flight or checking your luggage, perhaps you are buying a magazine or a pre-flight snack. The details surrounding the situation are irrelevant, what is important is the conversation. They help you with your reservation or facilitate your purchase and then it happens.

"Have a nice flight."
"You too."

Are you serious? This airport/airline employee is clearly not about to board a plane. You, by your presence in the building alone, have stamped on your forehead that you are travelling. They are trying to be a well trained, polite employee and ensure to wish you a safe voyage. Why can we not accept this in an intelligent manner?

You can tell me that you have never done this, but we both know it's not true. Your secret, though, is safe with me.

Someday. Someday...I will get it right. At least that is what I tell myself.

Contact Information

April 20th, 2005

I just took a call from a client who asked for my e-mail address. I asked if there was anything else I could help her with after providing the information she sought. She said that was all she needed and we ended the call.

The question now becomes: Will she e-mail me something that clearly could have been handled over the phone? Or maybe since my boss is out of the office for a few days this particular client was told to contact me with any questions in her absence.

I am sure all of you readers out there in readerland...both of you (love you mom and dad) are waiting with baited breath. I know I am...

Thought that will define generations to come.

April 19th, 2005

I have decided that there needs to be a change. This would ultimately not be some huge change, but a small change with huge scope.

There exists something on television that we will never be able to escape. There is no avoiding it, try as you may. The only hope for humanity is finding a middle ground. With acceptance of the fact, we can all move on. Acceptance though, comes only through compromise.

This is not a daily occurrence, and often times is not even weekly. I estimate the frequency would correlate to the amount of television watched by any one individual.

Ok, you've had enough suspense have you not?

What is it that comes on TV when you least expect it and you are entirely powerless against it?

Feminine Hygiene Advertising.

There, I said it.

Originally, my platform when running for Emperor would be to eliminate these commercials across the board. I realize now that in the interest of a free market society and the tradition of competition and capitalism that this is not a reasonable ban. That leads me to this post today.

It is time for the makers of feminine hygiene products to take a page from beer distributors. Imagine a world where your favorite program will break for a short word from its sponsors and *boom* there is no longer a woman walking on the beach telling you how much certain things itch and irritate.

No, I do not have the creative juices flowing nor the comedic ability to come up with the new ad. Sure you can all say that if I am unable to provide a specific example of this new phase I suggest that my point is less valid. I will let you be the judge. My ideas are in your hands, the hands of my critics.

Funny commercials are always the best commercials; I am sure that most if not all watchers would support that statement. Yes, it is true that some people would even argue that no commercial is a good commercial, at least the channel flippers of the world would take that stance.

Look at the online stock trading firms. This is not an industry the feminine hygiene companies should emulate. This is the only situation in which I would NOT want to see a monkey in a commercial.

In no way do I dispute the argument that in an attempt to make these advertisements funny we, as the male demographic, may be more disgusted than least at first. That is fine. There will need to be a grace period. I understand that it may take some getting used to, but under the current regime I am not sure feminine hygiene products and male viewers will ever meet on common ground.

There needs to be a change, that much I know. Will this change ever come? I am not sure. Will this change involve, say Terry Tate Office Linebacker? Probably not.

Imagine the following conversation occurring on the Monday morning after the Super Bowl.
"So what was your favorite commercial last night?"
"No question, it had to be the Tampons."
"Yeah, that one was so funny, but I think my favorite was the yeast infection ointment. I laughed so hard I spilled my beer."

Think about it. Viva la revolucion.


April 18th, 2005

I have been entirely too lazy to go out and build myself a photo gallery and to date I have not found one off the shelf that I like. At least for now I have found a solution; it is in the form of Flickr.

Flickr offers the use of a "badge" which is an array of thumbnails that you may place on an external site that links directly to your catalog. If you scroll down the blog to beneath the categories you will see a selection of 5 images.

I had the option to choose the 5 most recent pictures or 5 random pictures. While I thought it would be nice to use the most recent so you would know when I add pictures to my photostream, I know I will not do so often so I chose the option that provided the most variety. If you desire to know when and if I have added new photos, you may hope the new pictures display on the badge (which in theory they will with enough refreshes as the badge reloads random images each time the page loads) or you may simply click through to my flickr page and see. The power is yours.


April 17th, 2005

I would love to be the guy that holds the patent on the revolving door. Did you ever think about that? Can you imagine the royalties? That is my kind of residual income.

Cure for Hiccups

April 12th, 2005

Allegedly a "surefire" way to rid yourself of your hiccups is to suck on a wedge of lime that has been covered in bitters. (Bitters is an ingredient used in bartending mixology.)

This comes from a waitress we had at a restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona. She said she was a long time bartender and this trick never failed.

I am yet to try this one, myself, but it is now out there for your information.

2005-06 early Top 25

April 6th, 2005

Villanova University4. Villanova
The Wildcats could be the cool pick to win the title next season. If it weren't for a suspect travel call, they might have been in this year's Final Four. Tell us who will have better scoring guards than 'Nova in Randy Foye, Allan Ray, Mike Nardi and Kyle Lowry. Curtis Sumpter will be healthy and so, too, should be Jason Fraser. That's a stud starting five (plus one) worthy of potentially winning the title.

The entire Top 25 from