August 13th, 2006
Wedding CrashersJohn Beckwith: Hey, listen. What angle are you going to play here?
Jeremy Grey: I am going to go with the balloon animal display. For the kids. And then when she comes near, guess who is the broken man, haunted past? How about you?
John Beckwith: I am going to go dance with the little flower girl. Oh, and I might be a charter member of Oprah's book club.
Jeremy Grey: It's all deadly.

Fergie - London Bridge

August 12th, 2006

Fergie - London Bridge

I may have mis-spoken when I introduced "Bossy" as the worst song ever made. If Fergie does not take that title out-right, she sure competes hard for it. Not only has Fergie ruined the hip-hop group The Black-Eyed Peas, but now she has begun her solo career. The beat is decent enough, but who came up with these lyrics? That person should be fired... out of a cannon. Fergie added female sex-appeal and attitude to the laid-back BEP who had no problem releasing two very good albums before she joined. Oh, she also brought bladder-control problems.


August 11th, 2006


DragnetDan Ackroyd is Sgt. Joe Friday of the LAPD. His partner has retired and is replaced by Pep Streebeck (Tom Hanks). Together they lead the investigation of a series of crimes committed by a criminal organization that leaves a calling card bearing the acronym P.A.G.A.N. at each scene. Friday is a man who plays by the book, and he has memorized each line in it. Streebeck is the Yin to Friday's Yang. The personalities clash and the result is comedy.

In the movie, Joe Friday is actually the nephew of the Joe Friday popularized and memorialized in the original TV show by the same name.

Dan Ackroyd plays the part well, though was not overly impressive. I really began to think about the fact that some of his earlier work was so impressive (e.g. Ghostbusters, Blues Brothers) that parts like this were really beneath is potential.

Tom Hanks gave me somewhat of the same impression. This was the young, loveable Tom Hanks. He was the care-free bachelor with the wild side. He was the guy who, unfortunately, no parts are written for today (though that is not terrible from the perspective that there is probably no one who could ever replicate the young Tom Hanks). He had the sharp wit and quick comebacks that were timed perfectly with Ackroyd as Joe Friday, but Friday was the main character. Ackroyd was the lead and Hanks had to play support.

The first half of the movie was fun. Not necessarily funny, but fun. It was the fun 80s movie that made me nostalgic for the movies I loved growing up and have a permanent place in my DVD collection. Those movies are silly comedies that are not really all that funny in today's society, but the jokes are a familiar and comfortable reminder. If the movies have a link to your past, they are great. If you try to apply 1987 jokes to a fresh 2006 audience, the results will not be favorable. And the results of my watching Dragnet were not favorable for what I believe to be that reason. For my time, I would rather watch those movies I hold dear than be reminded of them by a sub-par Dan Ackroyd performance in a movie that keeps a young Tom Hanks tied up in the yard.

I watched Dragnet on a recommendation that came up during discussion around the Top 5 Tom Hanks movies. Dragnet does not make my top 5.

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$240 Worth of Puddin'

August 10th, 2006

I am a big sketch-comedy fan. I have avoided Saturday Night Live because for some reason I find it largely unfunny. I have spent most of my formative sketch-comedy enjoyment wrapped up in The Kids in the Hall, or more loosely known as the show Lorne Michaels did that was actually funny.

All it took was a "shh" in an instant message from a buddy today to send me reeling through the sketch-comedy archives in my brain. There is a permanent bookmark in said archives around what is probably my favorite sketch of all time. I know that is a bold title to give out, but I mean it.

Some of you may remember that MTV had a show years ago that fits with Kids in the Hall in my heart. MTV's The State was the comedy troup that has done a few movies and is basically the current cast of Comedy Central's Reno 911.

"Now I know what you're thinkin'. Barry and Levon, where did you get $240?"


"Don't worry your pretty little head about it baby."
"It ain't yo' concern."

It gets no better than this:

Kelis - Bossy

August 10th, 2006

Kelis - Bossy

I would like to submit this to the committee as the worst song ever made. Kelis is notable only as wife of New York rap mogul Nas. Her name should never come up on any other context. She did have a "popular" song relatively recently, but the only good that came from that was a great Family Guy clip. In "Bossy" the beat is horrible, her lyrics are even worse. It may be an empowering song, in theory, to some women, in a relatively jestful way, but from a serious standpoint the song is awful. Pretty soon there will be two strikes against Nas's career: Kelis making records AND Stillmatic.

(Link to the video)

Top 5 Movies: Best Documentaries

August 9th, 2006

August 7th, 2006

Derek Zoolander: You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you... Walter Cronkite.

You aren't.

Guster - Ganging Up On The Sun

August 7th, 2006

Guster - Ganging Up On The Sun A decent enough Alternative Rock album, but this may be a disappointing Guster album. It might be more fair to simply say it is not their best. There are definitely some good songs on the album, some of which are even reminiscent of Guster albums-gone-by. Maybe the songs towards end will grow on me as I continue to listen to this album, but so far the strength is really the first two-thirds of the album and the last song.

01. Lightening Rod This is a pretty weak opening track. I keep waiting either for something to happen or to hear "I'm off on a rocket ship," which would be nothing but an improvement. But I guess on this album, any similarity, however small, to their first three albums is a good thing. This sounded much better live.

02. Satellite This is a decent track (better than the first anyway), but I am disappointed in how poorly Ryan's voice projects here. He has a relatively distinct sound that is somewhat of a Guster signature and it is lost in this song.

03. Manifest Destiny This is one of my favorite tracks on the album. I like the tune, I like the tempo, I like the lyrics. I like the whole feel of the song. My first time or two through the album I thought the keyboard at the beginning of the song meant Ben Folds was going to sing me a little ditty, but that feeling was brief.

04. One Man Wrecking Machine This is the first single released from the album. I heard it for the first time when I watched the video which was sent out to the guster e-mail list. I think I like it a little more each time I hear it and the video captures the mood of the song perfectly.

05. The Captain This song, maybe more than others on this album, really reminds me of the old Guster albums. Oh, and in case you haven't picked up on that yet...that is a good thing. The instrumentals do run a little long here, but good song overall.

06. New Underground This one has been growing on me. I wasn't sure if I thought the energy was too much for me from Guster, but I find it works well.

07. Ruby Falls This song really sets me at ease...until about two and a half minutes into it when the awkward, screechy guitar chimes in. I like the vocals, but some of the notes are just too drawn out in the music. The song does drag a little.

08. C'mon If I had to guess which song would be released as the second single, it would be C'mon. It's definitely a good song and would promote the album well.

09. Empire State Guster has made songs like this one before that are just too slow for my taste. I know someone likes them, or they wouldn't keep making them. I am just not one of them who does.

10. Dear Valentine Another ho-hum track. It's better than the last one, but still nothing to write home about.

11. The Beginning of The End I do not like the mix of vocals and instruments here. The music seems to be accompanying a different singer. I have no complaints with Ryan's singing, but the music has to go in this one.

12. Hang On This seems to be stranded alone in a sea of weak songs here at the end. Move this song up a few tracks and you'll know when it is over you won't have to listen to the last few songs. Hang On is pretty good.

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Rob Schneider takes a stand...or tries to get a job.

August 4th, 2006

If somehow you have managed to stay under your rock for the past few days and have neither read nor heard the hubbub about Mel Gibson, let me fill you in. Late last week Mr. Gibson was arrested for Driving Under the Influence. The story starts out as our prying into the private affairs of a celebrity, but gets a little meatier when the arresting officer speaks. The hand-written statement (.pdf) from the officer details abusive and anti-semitic language from Mr. Gibson.

The backlash has been ugly and VERY public. Apparently when you tell your arresting officer that Jews are "responsible for all the wars in the world" you cause a scene. I know I am the last person on the internet to write about the incident, and all of the details are known. I will stop there and move on to Rob Schneider's reaction.

Schneider Slams Gibson
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo star Rob Schneider is the first actor to publicly announce he will never work with Mel Gibson due to the anti-Semitic remarks he made when he was arrested last Friday. Schneider took out an ad in Hollywood trade paper Variety slamming the star for his behavior in "An Open Letter to the Hollywood Community." The ad appeared yesterday and said, "I, Rob Schneider, a 1/2 Jew, pledge from this day forth to never work with Mel Gibson-actor-director-producer-and anti-Semite." Schneider then went on to say even if he were offered the lead role in Passion Of The Christ 2 or a "juicy voice-over role in his new flick Apocalypto and spoke ancient Mayan" he would still turn them down. He also repeatedly praised Hollywood talent manager Bernie Brillstein for publicly saying he would refuse to work with Gibson because "I just don't like bigots." The actor continued by saying he had recently directed a film called Big Stan in which there was a part for a Nazi gang leader "which apparently Mel would be perfect for." Schneider said he would still not cast Gibson in that role and ended the letter by saying, "Of course that would only be after I talked with my financial backers. Some of whom share Mr. Gibson's hankering for a good bottle of tequila. Because, after all...I don't get to call all the shots." -IMDb

So the way I have it figured, comedic actor Rob Schneider wanted to remind us all that he is alive and available for bit parts in any Happy Madison films that may be coming out in the near future. He could not have been serious about his verbal flogging of Mr. Gibson because no one knows better than he does that he does not now, nor has he ever had a snow ball's chance in hell at gracing the silver screen along side Mel Gibson. So I applaud Mr. Schneider's successful attempt to get his name in the news.

Hey, when are they going to do a new season of "Men Behaving Badly?" I loved that show. And yes... I do own a copy of Deuce Bigalow.

August 4th, 2006
Gomez - How We Operate - Hamoa BeachRemember the good old days where love is like a dragonfly - so beautiful it will die and disappear before your eyes? I’m no philosopher. I am no poet. I’m just trying to help you out.